You Might Be A Band Geek If
by quidditchseasonprotection
Summary: It's back. It's been over three years, but here is the band geek reasons list that details my freshman and sophomore experiences with band, as well as all of the reasons that my readers gave me when I posted this the first time.


1\. You love the taste of reeds (or metal)  
2\. One arm is sunburned and the other isn't  
3\. You have sunburn well into October  
4\. You can't do anything on weekends because you have to attend competitions/practices/fundraisers/parades/etc.  
5\. You know more cheers than the cheerleaders  
6\. You spend half your summer at school  
7\. It rains on Mondays  
8\. When asked what sports you play, you say Marching Band  
9\. In math, when the drummer next to you is asked what sports he plays, he says COMPETITIVE MARCHING BAND!  
10\. The teacher yells at him to not mock the Marching Band  
11\. You shut the teacher up by saying he is IN Marching band  
12\. You hold your door open with not with an actual door stopper, but a drumstick  
13\. There is a move in your drill known to the band as the 50-yard line fuck it  
14\. You march in step with your friends  
15\. All your friends are in band  
16\. You have a sleepover at your friend's house so you can get to band camp faster in the morning  
17\. You scream louder than the winning band when you get 69 points  
18\. You sing random parts of your music  
19\. When you watch a video of your performance, you perform all GE moves, and sing the parts  
20\. You don't sleep at all during competition season  
21\. You either freeze or sweat your ass off at every competition  
22\. You change on a bus with 45 other students, with no seperation between boys and girls  
23\. #22 is not sexually stimulating in any way, shape, or form to anybody  
24\. Your section has a ritual they perform before every competition  
25\. You know what color everyone's underwear is  
26\. Everyone knows what color your underwear is  
27\. You have urges to dress any line you stand in  
28\. You do all your homework on a bus late at night  
29\. After a competition you call Pizza Hut to order pizza  
30\. Pizza Hut is pissed because it's 11:59 P.M. and they close at midnight and they just got 67 other calls from your hotel ordering pizza  
31\. When you walk out of the hotel in your uniform, old people call you 'cute'  
32\. You hate when people can't walk in step  
33\. You routinely get to lunch anywhere from 10-60 minutes earlier than anyone else  
34\. Basketball games become pep band games  
35\. You switch places with random people during the Homecoming Parade  
36\. Drummers switch drums during the Homecoming Parade  
37\. You spend Homecoming traveling from the band room to the gym to the parade to the middle school pep rally to a practice  
38\. On Homecoming, you follow the drumline around in between needing to be in the places mentioned in #37 so you can scream What! when that part comes in the cadence  
39\. When you're walking down the hall and the drumline comes marching down the hall behind or in front of you and everyone else presses against the wall, you start marching  
40\. You bang or  
41\. You blow  
42\. You have your own section at football and basketball games  
43\. You yell Tequila! in the middle of class  
44\. You hear a fast tapping noise and stand up straight  
45\. You kick brass (woodwinds)  
46\. You have an unhealthy obsession with woodwinds (brass)  
47\. Every time you go into the band room, you feel happy  
48\. When the hallway is really loud, someone yells BAND ATTEN HUT and everyone in band yells HUT! and goes to attention  
49\. You reach into your pocket and pull out drill  
50\. You know how to get anywhere in the school even when everything is closed down  
51\. You stand around holding bass drum harnesses when everyone else is loading pit equipment  
52\. They tell you you could've put the harnesses on first  
53\. Because of #s 51 and 52, you only have 15 minutes to eat lunch and get on the bus  
54\. You drive to Subway with a group of people, go in, decide you don't want Subway, and walk out the other door  
55\. You nearly run over two cymbal players when you are coming back to get on the bus  
56\. You get on the bus with an entire McDonald's cheeseburger and a mint brownie shoved into your mouth  
57\. You spend an average of 15 hours a week on the bus going to competitions  
58\. You hate schools like Greendale and Waukesha North  
59\. Your drum major refuses to begin Opener at a competition until someone in the stands yells UNLEASH DA BEAST!  
60\. At parades, someone eats a funnel cake while wearing their black jacket (it always happens)  
61\. At parades, you don't have to show up early, because the bus can drive right up to where you have to go  
62\. You spend 4 hours sitting in a circle 'warming up' at an abandoned car wash  
63\. You wear fingerless gloves  
64\. During football games, you will be having a conversation, and then the team scores a touchdown, so you run up to the stands to play your school song, and when you come back, you pick up the conversation like you weren't interrupted  
65\. People tell you that your uniforms look like Lady Gaga outfits  
66\. Every guy in your band has been called gay at least twice  
67\. There is a guy in your band known as 'The Douche'  
68\. You can attend every football, basketball, and hockey game and never know the score or the opposing team  
69\. People attempt to bang and blow at the same time  
70\. Mallets can hold more than one mallet per hand  
71\. You get hit with a bass drum  
72\. You skip church to go to band  
73\. People assume you play basketball because you're tall/ you're at almost every game  
74\. When asked when your next game is, you say whenever Halloway schedules one  
75\. You always call your band teacher Halloway, even when everyone else calls her Ms. Halloway or band director  
76\. You skip class because you have to leave for a competition or you have a practice  
77\. Being called a ho isn't insulting  
78\. When drummers are fighting in the hallway, you don't even notice until one of them is slammed into a locker right next to you and then you just say Don't break the sticks, or you're dead  
79\. On average, five drumsticks are broken every week  
80\. When everyone and anyone yells 'S On My D!' you sing the concluding part of drum solo  
81\. You fight over which plume you get to put on your hat  
82\. You stand outside a hotel waiting for the people to hurry up and check out of your room because you're holding a garment bag, a hat box, an instrument case, two suitcases, a shoe bag, a purse, a candy bar, and a complimentary cookie  
83\. You drop everything in the elevator so people that aren't in the band have to squeeze against the wall  
84\. You drink over 2 liters of Mountain Dew in a day (or however many ounces or gallons, I had a two liter bottle)  
85\. Code Red Mountain Dew is known as Jarid  
86\. Every soda and energy drink is called by a drummer's name (See #85)  
87\. You have five cakes on the day you go to state  
88\. When you bake cookies or cupcakes, it takes hours because you have to make enough for everyone in the band  
89\. You always have random symbols on your wrists or hands to get into a competition  
90\. You count in measures and steps  
91\. You have moves in your drill known as 'The Tent Move', 'The Balls', 'The Flag', 'The Follow-the-Leader', 'The Circle', 'The Diamond', 'Drum Solo GE', 'S on the D', etc.  
92\. You got really pumped when you found out you got to die in next year's drill  
93\. You got really pumped when you found out you were switching from white pants to black  
94\. You play 'Pomp &amp; Circumstance' at least 75 times during graduation  
95\. You duct tape music to stands  
96\. You hope your uniform or drill number is 14, 69, or 89  
97\. At the end of a competition you walk around holding 6 or 7 jackets because people forgot to grab them  
98\. You spend a lot of time practicing stripping in a tent while holding your instrument  
99\. You have to push the person in front of you into the tent because they're going too slow  
100\. You have to convince people it doesn't matter if you walk in step in the tent  
101\. You don't go to sleep until 3 in the morning and get up at 6:30  
102\. One of your competitions is always the day after Homecoming  
103\. When you get on the bus, various items of clothing that don't belong to you are in your seat  
104\. You know a guy who owns hot pink zebra-striped short-shorts (and wears them)  
105\. You have "Band Day Reeses' Pieces"  
106\. Whenever you watch a movie with a band, you yell "Our band could screw yours!"  
107\. You have black plastic reeds to prevent being flat when it's cold  
108\. The highest Number you can count to is 32  
109\. You are in front of the entire drumline in one move in Closer  
110\. During practice, you stand 3 feet off the 50-yard line to see if the drumline will dress to you  
111\. You move the 3 steps over right when the band is marking time and we have to stop because the drumline smashed into the tubas because the drumline was 3 feet off  
112\. You lay a clarinet on top of a pair of cymbals that are balanced on top of a bass drum and later you run around trying to find the bass drummer with your clarinet or cymbals  
113\. You have perfected the art of walking with a clarinet between your legs  
114\. You have cow spots pinned to your white pants during a parade  
115\. You spend time figuring out other section's parts  
116\. You end up with a lot of strange music on your iPod  
117\. The timps are whales  
118\. The claves are the most important part of a song  
119\. You judge when you have lunch by when you see certain drummers in the lunchline  
120\. Every drum is numbered and drummers are known by their number (Ex. Bass 4, Snare 6, Quads 1, etc.)  
121\. You get into a fight with a girl from a different band because you crushed a can of Mountain Dew ten feet away from her and your friend has to drag you away before you actually start getting physical  
122\. You wish you had a bejeweled cane  
123\. You have more trophies than the sports teams  
124\. During Hey Song, you have a cymbal player that leaps into the air  
125\. You try to shove two sets of quads in the trunk of car  
126\. You try to shove an entire drumline's worth of equipment into one car  
127\. Your M&amp;M guy is fired  
128\. You actually know what M&amp;M means  
129\. You spend all free time in the band room  
130\. When you go to turn in your jacket at the end of the season, you find the inside pocket is stuffed with a pair of gloves, gum, candy, Band-Aids, and a random piece of drill  
131\. You know more people in band than in your grade  
132\. You don't actually have free time  
133\. On Facebook, your job says Slave at band  
134\. Your best friend is whoever lends you money  
135\. The hot chocolate tastes like shit at competitions  
136\. The first question you ask people is "Are you in band?"  
137\. Your best friend is in guard and you talk to her about 3 times during competition season  
138\. You count how much time you have until band  
139\. You walk down the hallways holding an instrument and a stand  
140\. You try to walk into an athletic event and people stop you because you haven't paid  
141\. People try to sneak into athletic events by saying 'I'm in the band'  
142\. You make up songs about people in band  
143\. You get mad when people diss the band  
144\. You diss any and all sports teams  
145\. The band is more popular than the football team  
146\. You go to band camp on your birthday  
147\. You feel that nothing could be better than going to band camp on your birthday  
148\. You call the guard 'Flaggets'  
149\. A guy in your band has a haircut called 'The Fag Cut'  
150\. You get suspended for writing down your band inside jokes  
151\. Your Mad Libs are extremely dirty  
152\. A senior has a fake seizure because the bus lights look like strobe lights  
153\. You have a discussion about rubbers on tubas  
154\. People mistake you for a drummer because one of your best friends is in drumline, and you spend alot of time with the drumline  
155\. You try to convince all incoming freshmen to join band  
156\. If you make your parents reschedule when you have your wisdom teeth pulled because it was during band camp  
157\. All your stories involve band  
158\. You have your senior picture taken in a marching band uniform  
159\. Someone hops up on a wall and starts singing about looking for your bus driver  
160\. You do more pushups than the football team  
161\. You double as the cheerleaders at basketball games  
162\. At basketball games, the band section has the most people  
163\. Your section leader is the only person you will never do pushups for  
164\. Your section leader hates you  
165\. The only professional pictures you've had done in the last 4 years are band pictures  
166\. Percussionists have ADHD  
167\. Your section leader has the nerve to take your mouthpiece because 'hers is chipped' and then gives you the shitty extra one  
168\. You know she only took it because she was annoyed by the fact that you kept playing Tequila  
169\. The health teacher is always coming over to tell the band to play softer  
170\. Your substitute band director makes the drumline practice a roll-off 25 times in a row  
171\. After every comment you make someone will say 'That's What She Said'  
172\. There are shoes hanging on a nail in the front of your band room  
173\. You have nowhere to put trophies  
174\. You love pointing out other band's mistakes during competitions  
175\. Nobody is concerned when somebody yells "Where are my pants/shirt/bra/underwear/etc"  
176\. You have it planned to walk down the aisle at your wedding to the drumline cadence  
177\. You have it planned to play pep band songs at your funeral and your wedding reception  
178\. You plan to force your kids to be in band  
179\. When someone tells you to go find the drumline to bring them in, you can find them right away, even though 20 others drumlines are warming up  
180\. Your best drummer is crippled during the season  
181\. You and your friends have little marches you do while walking down the hall  
182\. You yell 'Left!' at other bands and laugh at people who respond  
183\. You share insect repellent, water, and sunscreen with about 30 people  
184\. The drumline is practicing the cadence and you can carry on a conversation, but your non-band friend keeps getting distracted and can't concentrate  
185\. Wearing a marching band uniform and asking someone to 'do you' isn't nearly as dirty as it sounds  
186\. On Hat Day, you wear your band hat complete with plume  
187\. On the first day of school has a freshmen, you already know a lot of people  
188\. You can't spend time with anyone without having a conversation about band  
189\. The highest compliment you can receive is "You blow!"  
190\. You start humming the cadence during math and the drummer next to you starts tapping and you keep going until you both say What! and then you notice everyone is staring at you  
191\. One of the drummers plays snare and quads at the same time during a pep band game  
192\. You have gotten into an argument debating Quads vs. Tenors (Quads won)  
193\. At graduation, each section has a little thing they do for their graduating seniors  
194\. You hate your school song  
195\. Everyone hates the song Cleveland Rocks  
196\. Your most popular songs are Tequila, Summertime Blues, Louie Louie, Eye of the Tiger, Hey Song, 25 or 6 to 4, and Sweet Caroline  
197\. All but one member of the Homecoming court is in Marching Band  
198\. You see people in band more than your family  
199\. You clean out your band slot and discover why you have no clothes in your closet  
200\. The song Say(All I Need) by OneRepublic is synonymous with Marching Band

201\. You know the teacher's lounge has a pullout couch  
202\. You know that the teacher's lounge has soda (and water that is cheaper than the student's)  
203\. You spend hours with the drumline when you're not in it  
204\. The entire drumline shows up to help another member of the drumline move  
205\. The group stops at a store to buy a crossbow and knives  
206\. They shoot the bow across a river  
207\. You swear way more than necessary  
208\. You have a drummer that can't do a clave rhythm and you know you could do it better  
209\. S on the D means Sticks on the Drums  
210\. You are the responsible side of the cymbal line and you don't even play cymbals  
211\. You have 5 or 6 different threesome agreements  
212\. One of your drummers issues warnings to not have sex with pregnant women  
213\. He claims this is because you don't want to poke the baby in the eye  
214\. You have a lot of lesbian/gay lovers  
215\. You have about a hundred siblings  
216\. You get offended when you hear someone called a douche, because they don't deserve that title  
217\. Your band director refuses to let you switch sections  
218\. On the last day of school, your non-band friends are all "We're not going to see our friends for 3 months!" and you're like "I'm not going to see my friends until…um…tomorrow."  
219\. Your excuse for getting out of stuff is "I have band"  
220\. It makes your day when your instrument is in tune  
221\. You know what just about every school's bathrooms look like  
222\. The Top 25 Most Played songs on your iPod includes every piece of music you ever performed in a show  
223\. Your pastor reschedules your youth group because you're going to Launchpad  
224\. You dream about band on a regular basis  
225\. You dream one of your drummers was in a music video as a tango dancer  
226\. The quads attempt to twirl in between playing sections of their music  
227\. The band gets pissed and bitches at every person at the 5th grade football game because they stole your field  
228\. All your friends are humming Top 40 songs and you're humming songs from your show  
229\. You got excited when you found out that the show you're playing is being performed at your theater (Les Mis, Wizard of Oz, etc.)  
230\. The cymbal line leader tells his section that they can call to hang out anytime  
231\. You tell him you are going to call and ask him to hang out sometime  
232\. He suggests that you and him go to a restuarant  
233\. You reply that he'd better not forget or you will show up randomly and take him out  
234\. There are no rumors that the two of you are going out (except from your friend *cough* Merlander01 *cough*)  
235\. Being alone at night with a person of the opposite sex is perfectly natural  
236\. There are people in the band you have 2 conversations with and you know their darkest secrets  
237\. You love your marching band uniform  
238\. You are getting fitted for uniforms and you do all your try-ons in the same room as the practicing mallet section  
239\. Another band disses a move in your drill and your entire band bitches out the other band, defending the move, even though that move is loathed with a deep and fiery passion by your band  
240\. You sing Gospel music on the bus on the way to competitions. Loudly.  
241\. You watch other bands and point out moves they stole from your show  
242\. Band is more strenuous than P.E.  
243\. You have perfected the art of 'March Sprinting'  
244\. You spend so much time marching around the track playing your instrument that when you do warm up laps in PE, you keep stopping because no one is playing  
245\. You spend more time at practice than anywhere else  
246\. You essentially live in the band room  
247\. You go on vacation and on the airplane you watch a DVD of all your marching shows  
248\. You keep pointing things out about the show (all 12 renditions on the DVD) and how stuff was good or bad or moves you changed to the person next to you (who is a complete stranger)  
249\. At Christmas, as post-dinner entertainment, you make your relatives watch the DVD  
250\. You go over to your friend's house to watch your DVD because it's your favorite form of entertainment at a sleepover  
251\. You do this all night, constantly critiquing and re-critiquing the performances (luckily your friend is in the band:D)  
252\. You wouldn't care if they weren't in band  
253\. You describe people by saying "The person with the bass drum with the white taped sticks. Bass 4." instead of a physical description  
254\. You have a large collection of unused 'Free Student Admission' passes  
255\. Any food or drink left unattended is fair game  
256\. You share so much, people ask if you have STD's  
257\. You know you could potentially have every STD known to man  
258\. Members of the band staff have paid for your meals on more than one occasion  
259\. You walk in step to every single piece of music you ever hear  
260\. Every English paper you write incorporates marching band in some way (See #s 261-265.)  
261\. Your descriptive paper is about a boy who trys to unravel the mysteries of a band  
262\. Your reading project is about your band experiences  
263\. Your informative paper is about a competition  
264\. Your other free reading project is an article you wrote about marching band  
265\. Your English teacher tells you to get out of your band rut  
266\. Someone says they don't like/aren't in band and you stare at them blankly because you can't comprehend what they just said  
267\. Your friend rings your doorbell at 4:30 A.M. because it's Band Day (I don't know if you have that if you don't live in Wisconsin…)  
268\. You've been waiting for her to ring the doorbell since 4:00 and you've been up since 2:30 (plus, you went to bed at midnight)  
269\. On Band Day, someone smuggles packages of Oreos into the stadium, so all you eat all day are Oreos, soda, and Reeses' Pieces  
270\. You say the name of the city of competition and your friends hear an entire novel in their minds  
271\. You refuse to go into competition until you get hand warmers  
272\. You find it impossible to like guys/girls outside of the band  
273\. You attend church so rarely from June - December, that when you go for Christmas, people ask is this your sister/brother/cousin/niece/nephew/etc. and your parents say no, this is our son/daughter  
274\. The people they introduce you to then ask 'How's college?' or 'Are you on break from college?' or 'Where do you attend college?' or something about college  
*These next few are especially for freshmen:)*  
275\. You can't march in step  
276\. You jump when the band goes into attention  
277\. You never know what's going on  
278\. You can't shut up while at attention  
*Hope the freshmen enjoyed those*  
279\. Listening to the drumline play is relaxing to you  
280\. You actually attend their rehearsals so you can sit/ lay in your slot and listen to them  
281\. You could do a parade as a cymbal player if they ever needed you  
282\. You randomly walk up to people and start adjusting their uniform and it's not weird  
283\. Your friend likes a drummer and they wonder 'Boxers or briefs?' and you reply 'Boxers. Most of them are some type of plaid, but he also owns a pair with puffins on them.'  
284\. Their is a bitchy girl dating a member of the band and you are constantly rubbing it in her face that you have seen her boyfriend in his underwear multiple times and she hasn't  
285\. The drummer mentioned in #283 is also part of the awesome band called Sprint the Finish  
286\. One of your biggest dreams is to see them become world-famous  
287\. You and your friend agree that the two main reasons you want to see them become famous are: 1. They are incredible and B. You want to see them on stage and wonder if he's wearing his puffin boxers  
288\. Everyone makes lists using 1. and B. (this one isn't limited to band)  
289\. Your band plays every song better than every other band. Hands down.  
290\. You have a beautiful 'Band Tan'  
291\. You can't picture yourself every marrying a non-band person  
292\. Your biggest accomplishment of the day is dressing a line  
293\. You say something to one person, but you get a response from about 5. (Ex. You say to your friend "Remember the time we had to share that tiny mattress?" and 2 guys say yes)  
294\. You actually know what quads are  
295\. You know the quads are actually quints, but everyone calls them quads anyway  
296\. In math, there is a question about the intensity of sound on drumheads depending on how tight they are and this turns into a discussion between you and the drummer next to you about how you're fucked this weekend at competition  
297\. When you're late, you go in the band room door  
298\. You are eternally thankful your locker is in the band hallway  
299\. You own a large collection of band buttons (one for every section and about 12 for your own)  
300\. You feel sick, but refuse to leave school until after band  
301\. You lose your voice screaming at competitions  
302\. You hope the football team doesn't score a touchdown  
303\. Your bra doubles as a pocket  
304\. Your friend once shoved an entire bag of Skittles into your bra and you had to sit that way for the entire concert  
305\. You are driven around town shoved into the back of a van with 8 other girls  
306\. You're excited to go to practice the day after school ends  
307\. Your friend knows your drumline schedule and you don't (That's not my responsibility, Merlander01)  
308\. You get the senior in your section a cowbell that says 'MORE COWBELL' (Merlander01)  
309\. You say "S on my D" when Greendale wins 1st place once again  
310\. The capital of Ireland is June's house (fuck yes, this is a top reason:D)  
311\. You make up a story about Harry Potter and your marching band (and post it on this site)  
312\. The marching banders in your story are ninjas  
313\. Drumsticks aren't just drumsticks (drumstick knives!)  
314\. You're writing a list to see if you might be a band geek  
315\. The words 'band geek' are written on the back of your sweat shirt  
316\. The people that recorded your show forgot to turn on the sound so when you go to watch it everybody on the bus attempts to sing their parts (emphasis on the word attempts - haha gotta love State:D)  
317\. Halloway comments "And that's why the band doesn't sing!"  
318\. George Washington was much dirtier than you ever knew  
319\. When walking, you always start on the left foot  
320\. You can read drill  
321\. People saying 'push in' and 'pull out' isn't dirty  
322\. There is no such thing as privacy  
323\. You have anxiety attacks when you break a reed  
324\. You do a pelvic thrust to get on a merry-go-round  
325\. You are standing in a really good straight line and someone says dress better  
326\. One of the trumpet players looks around and says "I think we dress rather fashionably."  
327\. You actually got the joke about dressing  
328\. You have a band command known as 'Band Hats Off'  
329\. You can do your section's cheer alone and not feel embarrassed  
330\. You only visit to read the Marching Band section (in Misc).  
331\. You're still kicking yourself for missing that one practice when everyone was in tune  
332\. You know that the only way to tune two piccolo players is to shoot one. (We don't have that problem - only one piccolo player)  
333\. You are able to pick out and name all the different chords in your favorite songs (which are band songs anyway).  
334\. During silent reading time, you try to persuade your teacher to let you read your music.  
335\. You seriously debated skipping summer camp to attend a parade  
336\. On the day you get back from camp you plan to attend Drums on Parade  
337\. You use protection during Quidditch season  
338\. You have stopped trying to impress people in band  
339\. You look at the poor innocent freshmen and can't remember when you were that innocent  
340\. You actually stop to read what's on the bulletin boards  
341\. You play anchor chains on a trash can  
342\. You walk down the halls and laugh at people who are in class  
343\. Your English debate about sports cuts turns into a fight between you and a jock about how good the Marching Band is  
344\. When playing pep band at a hockey game, you are the only one who remembers to bring a stand  
345\. At a hockey game, one of the cymbals is broken  
346\. When the cymbals are finally fixed, the band cheers and the rest of the people at the game start asking who scored  
347\. You can sleep on a bus  
348\. You like regular school buses better than coach buses because there's more room  
349\. On Band Day, the only drummer (besides cymbals) that attends forgets his music and has to look over the shoulders of the snare drummers of the band in front of you  
350\. The cymbals fall off the podium when the podium is pushed up a ramp at competition  
351\. Oreo is a song  
352\. Your friend's mom spends 20 minutes putting your hair up for a parade  
353\. One of the drum majors asks you to carry the banner because your clarinet is broken and she can't find an extra one  
354\. Your friend's mom spends 45 minutes taking your hair down and then braiding it  
355\. You know people with nicknames such as Ho, Twinsie 1, Twinsie 3, Maple, Nerm, Stellion, June, Frenzie, Tiny, and Momo  
356\. You stop in the middle of the hallway and make your friends dress the line they were walking in  
357\. One of your favorite homecoming pictures is of you and your friends mocking the Waukesha North hand gesture  
358\. When your Dad suggests stopping in Waukesha North for dinner, you scream NO!  
359\. You feel sorry for the other sections because their instruments don't fit between their legs like a clarinet  
360\. Fingering isn't dirty  
361\. Sitting in the back of the bus means you become responsible for handing out and keeping track of luggage  
362\. It takes you 20 attempts to do a countoff and you're still not sure they counted everyone on the bus  
363\. You know more about people in the school than most of the teachers  
364\. When choosing your classes for next year, the only one you know for sure is band  
365\. You have to take a study hall because you're in marching band (you get extra credits for marching band, and you can't take a full schedule)  
366\. You spend so much time with the band you start to wonder how you're maintaining straight A's  
367\. You tell your siblings you will kill them if they take up the same instrument as you  
368\. You manage to get a severe sunburn on one shoulder and no sun at all on the other one  
369\. Your section beats the drumline in the band caroling contest (and the drumline has never been beaten before)  
370\. The highlight of the summer is band camp  
371\. Someone in the band has a car, you've ridden in it  
372\. You dropped out of football to do marching band (Tim)  
373\. The band plays in 2/4, 6/8, and whatever time the drumline is in at one time  
374\. The band sounds good doing it  
375\. Your reeds taste like wood and cinnamon/mint/fruit/bubble gum/whatever flavor of gum you were chewing while sucking the reed  
376\. You are not afraid to walk down the hall and go to class with a reed in your mouth  
377\. You stay awake during competition season using a combination of Moutain Dew, adrenaline, passion (for band), and hate (for Greendale)  
378\. The best news of your life was when you found out you were moving to Triple A and therefore, not in competition with Greendale anymore  
379\. The freshmen mallets buy 3 gallons of ice cream (Blue Moon, Vanilla, and Fruit Sherbet) at a competition and try to hand it off to people  
380\. You have been many places with a band hat ponytail (a ponytail that is on the crown of your head designed to keep your hat in place)  
381\. You plan to name your kids after people in the band  
382\. You play the first few bars of Tequila and everyone in the room yells "Tequila!"  
383\. You spend at least one practice a summer barricaded in the music hallway with instruments because there was a tornado warning  
384\. You get excited when you see Marching Bands on TV shows  
385\. You and your friend agree one of the drummers should have scars from a knife fight on his back  
386\. No two clarinets are alike at all  
387\. You are in charge of protecting the cymbal line's mascot, a stuffed Alex the Lion from Madagascar (and yeah, you still aren't on cymbal line)  
388\. You know that if your parents knew what went on in Marching Band they'd make you quit  
389\. You love moves where you're the point people have to dress to, because you're always right, even when you're wrong  
390\. You have way too many inside jokes  
391\. You are singing a song about a person in your band in the hallway  
392\. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP (need I go on, or do we remember this?)  
393\. You want your section leader to know something and the only way to get them to know is to tell a member of another section and say "Make sure my section leader doesn't know"  
394\. Your section leader thinks you like her boyfriend  
395\. Whenever your section leader asks what you are doing, you always have to bite back the reply "Mentally undressing your boyfriend"  
396\. Your section leader finally gets over it when she realizes she has 7 incoming freshman to train  
397\. You have many, many stories that you will never be able to tell your kids (or your parents)  
398\. You have a friend and their parents won't let them join Marching Band  
399\. Your parents tell your friend's parents that Marching Band is perfectly innocent and that their child won't be corrupted by anything, everyone is nice, everything is appropriate, etc.  
400\. You listen to above lecture and have to bury your face in your band hat because you can't stop laughing (Not for at least half an hour)

401\. Whenever anyone says "well, this one time at band camp…" you want to slap them.  
402\. You randomly start to find out the time and key signatures of whatever song youre listening to  
403\. There is a restaurant that stays open later every Friday and Saturday night during marching season just for you  
404\. You snap to attention everytime someone yells "Band Ten-Hut!"  
405\. You fall asleep better on a bus full of kids then in your own bed  
406\. You can fall asleep at a football game/rehearsal/etc.  
407\. When you walk into a class late, all you have to say is "band" and the teacher knows you're excused (I love using this one)  
408\. Your instrument makes a good pillow (not so much for us - we keep ours on a truck)  
409\. You can hold a backpack, hat box, uniform, instrument case, gloves, snacks, water bottle, phone, iPod/Mp3 player, and a change of clothes for hours on end without setting anything down (you know you can;))  
410\. "Do me" is not a dirty phrase.  
411\. You know you can fit in a band locker (I know I can)  
412\. You know how many and of what kind of instruments can fit into the largest band locker with room for music in binders and method books(2 bass clarinets, an alto sax and 3 clarinets usually works. Barely) (Never actually tried this one)  
413\. You have a insanely good sense of balance (which comes from all those times Steve makes us practice taking one step and holding)  
414\. You buy a glow-in-the-dark lightsaber at Sixflags and then you stand in the gift shop making up a parade rest, dress center, and attention position for your lightsaber  
415\. You stand in the gift shop and actually give yourself those commands and do them  
416\. On the first day of summer band you knew your parade music  
417\. You constantly (while marching/marking time) have 2-5 freshmen staring at your feet  
418\. #417 freaks you out a little because you were the most untalented and uncoordinated freshmen ever  
419\. It made your entire life when you found out you could march in step and play at the same time:D  
420\. You can hear the percussionists from your house (fuck yes you can!)  
421\. You spend a rehearsal playing Bubble Shooter on the band director's computer with one of the assistant directors  
422\. You drink caffeinated non-alcoholic cherry Tequila!  
423\. During a five-minute break, a certain blonde-haired quad player (haha) decides to drive to Walgreens (which is 2 miles away)  
424\. Several of the snare drummers get harness tan lines from playing their drums shirtless  
425\. You join Relay for Life at 1:30 in the morning  
426\. Band Camp discussion topics include: Man Sex; 1000 Ways To Die; Bass Drummer #5; Quad Player Flirting Policies, Patterns, and Techniques; Shirtless snares, pregnant teen marching bands, Eskimos being gay and Muslim, Dots, Annoying F-ed up drill, Starving African Villages, and leopard print shorts  
427\. You spend half an hour squatting on the ground, half asleep, waiting for the percussion head to yell "Abraham Lincoln!, 17!, and 45!"  
428\. You catch somebody staring at a guy for about 10 minutes straight (all during announcements) (and the guy has a girlfriend) and then your one friend asks if they like him and they say no and then your friend says "Oh, really?" and you almost spit apple juice across the table  
429\. Everybody agrees that a drill move looks likes boobs on the page, except for the one guy who swears it looks like a car  
430\. You watch a drumline marching sectional  
431\. You secretly think that the drummers look like ballerinas when they march (but you would never tell them that - and it's entertaining to watch)  
432\. A senior bass drummer walks in on the conversation just in time to hear 'Boobs, obviously'  
433\. You see another senior bass drummer 10x more than you should see them if it was just coincedence (like you just keep seeing them all night)  
434\. That same bass drummer gets tied to his sleeping bag around 4 in the morning  
435\. One of the snares says he needs to tan, and you're like "You look better pale" (because he DOES)  
436\. The Puffins is code for 'Look at that certain guy's boxers' or it's the name of a gay strip club  
437\. Your band marches a Civil War show called "A House Divided"  
438\. You get to spend quite a lot of time (like 10 sets, which in a rehearsal is like an hour or more) looking at a shirtless bass drummer (because they don't move for 10 sets either)  
439\. You try to say 'Schism' as much as possible  
440\. You get the stupidest tan lines known to mankind  
441\. The guy who wrote your music is the drum major for the Madison Scouts  
442\. Members of your band attend the Civil War 1st Brigade Band (and you're the only people there under 65)  
443\. You have people that tell you that you have to dress to them and you just go "Since I'm marching backwards, and you're marching forwards, you have to dress to me"  
444\. That bass drummer that hit you with his drum last year gets in the middle of a set where you have to collapse onto the 50-yard line and he gets smashed by you and you just think hahaha revenge  
445\. The guy who's doing all your M&amp;M and most of your drill work with you gets a severe sunburn on the back of his neck and wears a shirt wrapped around his neck for the rest of the week  
446\. You are supposed to be dressing a set and when you get set, half the people in the circle don't move like they're supposed to  
447\. One of the snares (who is behind you in said set) goes Hey, hey, hey for like 3 minutes and even though 12 people go What? he doesn't answer them and then you turn around to see who he's talking to and he's looking at you and he goes "Your circle has a bump in it"  
448\. You hate having a freshmen in front of you that doesn't know where she's going during a follow-the-leader and she's the leader  
449\. A car drives around the section of the parking lot you're marching in and starts yelling that they love one of the drummers and the drumline isn't even outside  
450\. The drumline gets the police called on them  
451\. The same guy who got that severe sunburn on the neck has some pretty hot calves  
452\. And he smells like mints  
453\. One of your friends yells this to the general field. (Seriously, she was just all "Hey, he smells like mints!")  
454\. One of the percussion assistants makes you run to the fence and back for shits and gigs (mostly to waste time)  
455\. A 7-minute break turns into a 20-minute break  
456\. You try to teach drummers how to march/stand at attention/horns up/parade rest/etc. with horns  
457\. The drumline plays to wake you up in the morning and instead of going 'Shut the fuck up' and getting back in your sleeping bag, you jump out of your sleeping bag, scream 'FAIL DRUMLINE!' (because they did) and then start dancing to the cadence  
458\. The drumline's wakeup thing only has 4 snares, 1 quad, 3 basses, and no cymbals (so they fail)  
459\. Your school's drill is 12x harder than every other school's  
460\. You found out another band is playing the song 'I Like It' by Enrique Iglesias and you all just wonder how they're going to march for that  
461\. Your band director used to be married to your drill writer  
462\. You feel accomplished because you could march and play Opener within 2 days of learning drill  
463\. It was also the first time your band hasn't crashed and burned while trying to march and play opener for the first time  
464\. The staff makes you practice the opening set 15 times, and you all sigh, because the drumline isn't outside to make it entertaining  
465\. Watching the drumline sprint across the field while playing is the most entertaining thing you will ever see in life  
466\. One of your friends thinks that another one of your friends said Babe B* instead of Gabe B*  
467\. When starting the show, the drumline yells "FREE THE SLAVES!" until the percussion head makes them stop  
468\. You got really pumped because the song you made up last year about a person in your band had a line that went 'Guess who's by me in the set' which you used only because it rhymed, and it came true this year  
469\. You have debated whether marching is harder than football many, many times (Marching band always wins)  
470\. People run to other sections to dance when the drumline is playing Blind (our drumline doesn't play this, but yeah we run to other sections to dance in certain songs)  
471\. You have water bottles and such from band camp and the beginning of the season at the end of the year (And sunglasses and suspenders and glow sticks)  
472\. You want to shove as many freshmen as possible in a tuba locker (I'd like to try it, but I feel like it could be bad)  
473\. You duck tape someone's music folder they left to the ceiling above the practice room door and leave it there, not telling them (No, we just nail shoes to the wall in the front of the room and people can't get them)  
474\. People make someone who left a shako or something sing on a chair in the middle of the band room to get said thing back while everyone is watching (hahaha)  
475\. You get jumped if you have food/candy/water on competitions (anything worth anything, really)  
476\. You wake up mumbling digga-digga in the middle of the night; practicing your double-tounging (Never experienced this one)  
477\. In the later part of the season, you are smashed in the middle of a 'baritone huddle' because some trumpet got it into their silly little head that every member of the section radiates heat. Which appears to be the truth. (Of course they do)  
478\. Band consumes your every waking moment  
479\. One of the best moments of your life is when they finally bring you back to set after twenty minutes of horn carrying, mainly baritones (sounds fuuuunnnn)  
480\. You find yourself subconsciously tracking your drill to a song on the radio (Oh, yes you do)  
481\. You are more at home in the band room and on the feild then in your actual house  
482\. You wake up saying duht (Never happened to me)  
483\. The color guards are better than the cheerleaders  
484\. Everyone in band hates you because you're in pit percussion, therefore you don't have to march and get to stay inside during band camp. (Except when everyone laughs because they have to drag their equipment outside to the parking lot)  
485\. You've been ran over by a bass drummer and he didn't know he ran you over until an hour later (I've been run over… and I kind of bitched him out about it)  
486\. . You go nuts when the horn section calls the marimba or vibes a xylophone.  
487\. You can totally kick your mallet section leader's ass because he only reads treble clef, but you can read that AND bass clef. (Good for you - I can read treble and like 2 notes of bass clef)  
488\. You can play "Flight of the Bumblebees" with four mallets on the marimba. (Major skills:D)  
489\. You go to bed and you can still here the metronome in your head  
490\. The trombone players are called boners (Given, I mean, what else could you call them?)  
491\. Only the back of your legs are burnt (So true, so true…)  
492\. When the teacher tells the flutes to tune, the entire band sighs, preparing for a loud, long twenty minutes. (I'm pretty sure our band only tunes when absolutely neccesary and then it's at whatever time is convenient for your section)  
493\. When someone makes an excuse or complains, you look around to make sure the teacher or the section leader didn't hear (because they never believe us anyway and then you just get pushups or laps)  
494\. One of the happiest moments in your life is when you get a new piece (Right up until you find out it was either 1. Havoc or B. Songs of Sailor &amp; Sea)  
495\. Your band has custom-made uniforms with gray pants and gray shoes. (Nah, we just get black… or white.)  
496\. When an organization needs volunteers they immediatly turn to the band program because theres so many people (More like the band is in charge of most of the organizations)  
497\. That same lady who bitched at the drumline emails your teacher and tells them that band camp is disrespectful to neighbors and Relay For Life  
498\. Relay for Life actually asked the band to perform, but we couldn't because we didn't have anything prepared  
499\. All the neighbors claim to love listening to the drumline and band rehearse  
500\. You, too, would live close enough to the school to hear the band and drumline play  
501\. Your band director missed our competition in indi because his son was born… And when he got to the hospital, he was on the phone listening to us perform (our band director is getting ready to retire, so not a problem now)  
502\. The first week of band camp has different theme days and during lunch on the last day is a talent competition… Which includes stripping, piano man, and tenors dancin' (Because they don't dance normally?)  
503\. We freaked out are FE teacher by all sitting in a circle quietly. (Are you sure it was a legit circle?)  
504\. We all look over when our section leader declares, "We are going to do something that I've been wanting to do for a long time!" And then we get promptly disappointed when all he wants us to do is exchange phone numbers (Sadly, yes, this happened to my section too.)  
505\. The color guard asks "Spit or swallow?" and one of the other guard members goes "Why would you spit out pills?" (Yes, this was legit)  
506\. There is an award, the golden shoe, for the worst marcher (Lovely, we just get lame-ass Culver's custard tokens for EVERYTHING)  
507\. The wannabe senior is given a graduation cap (which we don't have)  
508\. You have no personal space.  
509\. Football games include story time.  
510\. Practices marching in the rain, uphill, is perfectly normal… And on band picture day (Picture day for us is State… indoors)  
511\. Your straight lines suck at the beginning of the season  
512\. But your diagonals are freakin' legit  
513\. Freshmen are considered idiots if they didn't start to understand the dirty jokes in one week (More like 24 hours)  
514\. We feel proud the first time we said something we didn't mean as dirty and our freshmen caught it! (Oh yes, oh yes, just like proud parents)  
515\. Our drum major was so amazing he conducted in two different times. One on each arm! It was like WTF! (We should get our drum major a 3rd arm because we have a part where we're in 3 different times)  
516\. You had to run laps… In time  
517\. During scatters, when you aren't supposed to be running in step, you find yourself unconciously running in step  
518\. The Major General (basically, the guy in charge of scheduling practices and stuff) for your side of the war tries his hardest to look Southern… and you're the North  
519\. Everytime someone got a haircut, it was happy haircut to you, in the tune of happy birthday.  
520\. Your front ensemble forgot the mallet bags… With the school 45 minutes away… and they got them with seven seconds on the clock before half time (We only play home games)  
521\. In jazz band… your drummer forgot the sticks. He used a pencil and a Katherine stick. (Those drummers…*shakes head and sighs*)  
522\. In jazz band, the drummer is unaware he is even IN jazz band until someone hunts him down and tells him and they get into a long argument  
523\. You lip-read that argument from 50 feet away while standing in the lunchline  
524\. You have chased after cymbals for three blocks down a hill (I would never, ever run after cymbals)  
525\. You had a front ensemble get a finger cut off when a cart fell on it (You are so lucky you can't see the face I'm making while imagining that)  
526\. You were proud to be in front ensemble because it meant you could stare at the hot drum major all day (Our drum major is a major dick)  
527\. The cymbals don't come outside to practice and play schism because they apparently don't care about the band  
528\. The cymbal line section leader never shows up  
529\. He's also in football and you just keep waiting for him to quit like he did last year  
530\. One of the snare players has a 'Minimum Distance: 50 yards' ordinance posted by you  
531\. You don't even bother following your own ordinance  
532\. The entire band agrees that your drum major put 3 girls in charge when he had to leave because they suck his dick  
533\. You use a reed like a toothpick (hahaha YES)  
534\. You fall off the risers  
535\. When band is scheduled during recess, you're happy(only works for elementary kids)  
536\. You cry when your parents refuse to let you go to your band concert  
537\. You notice one of the drummers has a really nice ass  
538\. You notice #537 for the following reasons:  
539\. Your school is required to have a WSMA band clinic  
540\. It goes hours 3-5 and 3rd hour is Wind Ensemble, which you're not in  
541\. You attend it that hour anyway, because you were signed out of class and you really didn't want to go to English  
542\. You sit in the back of the room fake reading a book beneath your slot  
543\. Your slot is situated about 5 feet behind the timps and this drummer plays timps in Wind Ensemble  
544\. The drummer is an average height, so when he's standing and you're sitting, you are eye-level with his ass  
*And that's how you notice these kinds of things*  
545\. One of the bass drummers thinks you have a crush on him and you're like "It's an obsession, not a crush"  
546\. You can (and will) manage to relate any subject to band  
547\. You stay overnight at your high school for band camp  
548\. You kill small African villages by throwing away cheese and crackers  
549\. You yell at somebody at camp because they keep changing they're walking pace and you can't stay in step with them  
550\. In marching blocks, everybody wants to be center because you're always right  
551\. You get really disappointed because Ryan (Mr. Hot Calves) decrees that we'll be doing ONLY four rows across, so there isn't a center  
552\. A guy drives by in a car, circling the parking lot where you're marching like 16 times and nobody knows who he is until Steve figures out it's a guy who was in drumline like 10 years ago  
553\. You attend Freshman First Day when you're not a freshman because the band has to play  
554\. You miss orientation as a freshman because you were too busy playing with the band  
555\. Culver's is the designated Band Restaurant  
556\. You can sing the music to your music pieces, but not the words  
557\. Somehow, the woodwinds always end up 8 counts early to their set  
558\. It turns out this is because the drum major is wrong  
559\. When marching, the person glocking, the 5 people counting, and the drum major are all on different counts  
560\. You have to practically do the splits to get to a set in the allotted time  
561\. When the two sides of the war come together in the drill, the guy next to you is in the South and he goes "Hey, War Buddy" and the guy on your other side (Also in South) says "Wait, she's dead, because she's north" and the other guy goes "I communicate with the dead. You know what I mean?"  
562\. You look at them and go "I'm sorry, I can't understand you. I don't speak Loser."  
563\. Your trumpet/baritone friend's family walks by and screams "HI JOSH!" and you're like "You're family isn't interesting" and he goes "Um…sorry?" and you're like "I'm just kidding, I don't know, I've only met your family 227 times" (which is the TRUTH)  
564\. The clarinet section rules because they have glow-stick glasses that we wear during band camp  
565\. You attend band practice even though you can't play because you got your wisdom teeth pulled  
566\. You feel accomplished because you memorized Scena, Aftermath and 3/4 of Schism  
567\. You dread Havoc  
568\. Your cymbal player friend tries to make you jealous that they don't have to march Havoc  
569\. This kind of fails because 1. Cymbals are slackers, anyway B. You have a woodwind feature for most of it 3. You get to die D. You get to stare at that extremely attractive bass drummer  
570\. Your sister is like "Hey, guess what's this weekend?" and you're like "OH, D.C.I.!" and she's like "Yeah, maybe, but I was talking about our Laser tagging thing we've been planning for like a month"  
571\. It rains before and after band camp just to mock you  
572\. Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire starts playing and one of the flute players goes "OMG, Mexican Music!"  
573\. The words "Shut up, Dave, you don't understand good looks" make you laugh for like 5 minutes straight  
574\. You and two other members of your section get extremely distracted by the super fat shirtless old man in pajama pants on the power scooter creeping at the edge of the field  
575\. You may get kicked out of band if you skip band to work  
576\. You can't lie about working unless you commute to Milwaukee  
577\. Britney Spear's Hold It Against Me is known as "The Dan Song"  
578\. You have drill from previous year's shows  
579\. You have like 16 water bottles in your slot because you never clean out your slot  
580\. You take the same-size steps walking backwards as you do forwards because you spend so much time practicing taking the right size steps backwards  
581\. You don't want to be a sniper  
582\. You know what the numbers 30-60-90 mean in relationship to how you move your body  
583\. You are in your dot. ALWAYS.  
584\. You actually get your drill writer to apologize for a move he wrote in the drill  
585\. AND he moves the set back 4 steps so it's easier  
586\. Your band's drill is 'off the charts'  
587\. You didn't believe it when there were NO company fronts written into your drill  
588\. You learned your whole drill in less than a week  
589\. Your file ends up on the very edge of the field  
590\. Some kids who think they're so BA bike by and one yells "Fuck you, suckas!" and all the other kids jump on him, going "Shut up! That's the band!"  
591\. You can do platoon marching  
592\. In all of Havoc, you barely move off the 40-yard line, ever  
593\. One of the flute players gets a red-and-white-striped forhead from unevenly applying sunscreen  
594\. You know what Across-the-Floors, Satellites, 8's &amp;8's, and Rock &amp; Roll's are  
595\. The show band people change in the band room and you and your friend just keep talking, even though a bunch of mostly naked guys are standing right by you  
596\. One of the members of the staff *cough* Ryan *cough* makes the band do 'Exercise Circles' to warm up  
597\. There are more people in the stands during half-time to watch the band, than during the actual football game  
598\. One of the drummers convinces all the little kids to jump up and scream HEY! during Hey Song  
599\. You crave that high you get when you stand next to the bass drummers while they're playing  
600\. You're attending D.C.I. tonight! (August 11, 2011)

601\. Marching in your own marching band just isn't enough  
602\. You like the Madison Scouts and/or the Carolina Crowns  
603\. You fully appreciated the GE of the Cavaliers (Upside down quad players, drum majors, horn players, and bass drummers… yeah, who else saw that?)  
604\. You noticed that there were NO STRAIGHT COMPANY FRONTS in all 23 bands at D.C.I.  
605\. You saw the GE mentioned in #603 live  
606\. At D.C.I., you sat behind this guy in a Harry Potter hat that you saw the week before at the Civil War 1st Brigade Band Concert  
607\. This makes you feel like a bigger band geek than you already were because this guy is like 65 and a super hardcore band fan and you're attending all the same concerts and shows as him  
608\. You move seats because a certain person wouldn't stop flirting with another certain person… (and also, your other friends asked you to)  
609\. While watching other bands perform, you critique them as if you were a judge  
610\. So do the people behind you… but they do it OUT LOUD, whereas you and your friends were doing it in your heads  
611\. You make plans to actually attend the D.C.I. championships with your friends when you're seniors  
612\. When you bring this up, the people behind you have the nerve to tell you to be quiet because they're interviewing some guy they don't even care about (Hypocrites, hypocrites, HYPOCRITES)  
613\. The drumline decides to make a run to Olive Garden at like 10:15 PM and the bus leaves at 10:30  
614\. Everyone in your band screams SEAN! when they show the Madison Scouts Drum Major…because you all know him and are proud of it  
615\. The field commanders give everyone nicknames, even the freshmen  
616\. Singing is not just for choir fags  
617\. You spend a lot of breaks planning the perfect Pac Man show (that would be so freaking LEGIT!)  
618\. You get a sousaphone onto the tiniest bus ever and only hit 3 people, which is an accomplishment because last time it was five (Hooray for keeping all our stuff on a seperate truck!)  
619\. Someone asleep in your slot doesn't phase you (No, I don't particularly think it would)  
620\. You get sexy sock tans  
621\. It's not just the drumline that gets called by their instruments. Clarinets are called C5 or C7, Saxophones S1 or S8 and so forth (For us, it's just drumline)  
622\. The guard is known by letters  
623\. You are learning some stuff that comes after the end of your 'official' drill and one of the members of your section is like "We're heading into uncharted territory now!"  
624\. You get a fog machine for Opener  
625\. Your drill writer mentions something about bass drums rolling over and you can't wait to see that (especially since it's when you're in that arc where they're right in front of you while they're doing it)  
*And You Might Be In The Colorguard if…*  
626\. You can spin a 6 foot pole with a four foot flag attached.  
627\. You get tired of explaining that a saber/rifle is not real (I get tired of that and I'm not in the guard)  
628\. You spin everything, flag rifle, saber, pencils, water bottles, paper, people…  
629\. Flames fly from your eyes and in a devilish voice you growl "It's not twirling, it's SPINNING!"  
630\. You warned the cheerleader to move, she says "Hell no you bitch." And you hit her with a flag and march over her during pre-game march out. (Actually happened)  
631\. You get an extra week of camp known as guard camp. (Percussion/Guard for us… I attended)  
632\. You point out to guys that there will be twenty girls in spandex and one of you.  
633\. When some one says "I can do that" you give them a flag and say "45 toss, now." Or rifle and say "Toss a six. Now." Then show them how it's done when they fail and run away from the falling equipment.  
634\. You can toss a six on a rifle, and the football player in your math class can't toss a single.  
635\. You find yourself with random bruises and don't know where they came from.  
636\. Your best friend the sousaphone player complains about the cold you glare at her because your uniform is skin tight with one sleeve and no room for under armor. and you get no gloves to protect your self from the frozen metal pole. (My hand has frozen to the pole before. And it was only first movement.)  
637\. For some reason, you're ahead of the band in the show, and are still given so much crap.  
638\. When you lose state guard gets the blame, when the music brought us down. (True story, guard got 7th place and our music got 11th.)  
639\. You are the last one in the changing room ,and yet you are finished changing before the first person is.  
640\. The drumline pisses you off…(I would challenge you to find anyone who hasn't been pissed of by the drumline at some point… even people in it)  
641\. Marching band is just a warm up for Winterguard (We don't have winterguard)  
642\. You find yourself wondering why we have cheerleaders or a dance team if the guard does the cheerleaders and the dance team's job better then the cheerleaders and dance team.(Not better then our dance team, barely)  
643\. You nearly died when you found out the guard is being considered for the Olympics. (Is it really? Because that would be epic)  
644\. Coming out of the closet isn't gay at all. In fact twenty girls do it every day at least three times each. (We call our guard storage room a closet, because it's the size of a closet with ten times more crap in there then a normal closet)  
645\. Strapping tape can fix anything  
646\. Your catch phrase is "what the band doesn't know don't hurt them"  
647\. You get praise from the band director for standing with your feet together on the field when half the band can't (freshmen)  
648\. The highlight of your day was catching your rifle five  
649\. Your arms are covered in bruises and cuts  
650\. Because of #649, people frequently send you to the conselor to talk about your "problems at home" (Hahahahaha)  
651\. Your favorite part of the show is originally the part you hated (I feel like that's true for everyone)  
652\. Your guard director frequently has a story time over long breaks where they share stories of their band years  
653\. You do back-hands in your sleep  
654\. You drop your back-hands in your sleep  
655\. Every night, you look over your arms and legs to find any new bruises you got  
656\. You find at least 4 new bruises  
657\. Favorite band song to dance to is the Tuba Jam  
658\. You go around showing everyone your "battle wounds"  
659\. There is one day a week when you don't have practice and you spend it perfecting your double-time  
660\. You know what double-time is  
661\. You hate winterguard, but you love winterguard  
662\. Fall season is The bane of your existence until it's over  
663\. You catch yourself humming the music and air flagging/riffling/sabreing the corresponding moves  
664\. Not only do you walk in step with your band friends, but you count the phrases like in your show (16-hold 8-32-half time 20- 12-16) (Yes, yes everyone does this one)  
665\. You constantly crave soda because your director said you should drink water instead  
666\. You sneak a can of soda on your non-practice days  
667\. You can catch a double and a five on sabre, but nothing in between  
668\. Thumb-flips are done for fun  
669\. Half the band is your friends, but guard girls are more like sisters  
670\. Spinning sabre is just like spinning rifile, only more painful  
671\. Your white flag has grass stains on it  
672\. Your butt hurts from that floor roll you do after that attitude jump in the Opener during the first twenty count hold  
672\. It was exciting to know the music to your show is from a Disney movie (Fantasia 2000, of course)  
673\. Drop spins are second nature  
674\. That boy who plays bass clarinet is really cute, but then again, he plays bass clarinet…  
675\. You have a better beat doing spins on a sabre than listening to the drumline  
676\. Dating someone in band is a bad idea, but you don't know any other guys (Um…yeah, not touching that subject right there)  
677\. Your worst nightmare is dropping your solo toss in the show  
678\. The band people are half-deaf from the guard playing the penis game (Okay…?)  
679\. You play a game of Ninja Assasin with flag bag on your back  
680\. You win that game  
681\. You have a shirt that says "Shut up and Toss"  
682\. There are so many inside jokes, but only one that includes a fat old duck wandering around the band field as the mascot  
683\. Another one has a garden gnome  
684\. You drop a toss and apologize to your equipment  
685\. You smile around another guard, and act friendly to them, but when they're gone, you talk about how that one dropped her DOUBLE. I mean, who drops those?  
686\. Everytime your fellow guard member looks like a hot mess, you say "I would tap that" and she replies "all day and all night"  
687\. Every picture is either of someone asleep on the bus or of someone dancing in the stands  
688\. All pictures go on Facebook  
689\. The guard mom will gladly play the "That's what she said" game with you  
690\. The best day of the year is when your show silks come in.  
691\. The worst day of the year is having to tape all of your silks on the poles  
692\. The football team is stupid because they stole the field, and now you have to practice rifle on the concrete  
693\. You have ketchup, maple syrup, guard tape, band-aids, icy hot, BBQ sauce, and show make-up in your purse  
*I got a bunch of guard ones from Gaaralovesmeonly and SailorZeldatheLightAlchemist, so I put this in here*  
694\. You were running up the bleachers to get to the band section and this girl wouldn't move for you, until you called your tuba friend over and he offered to whack her with his tuba  
695\. Your middle school band director tells one of the drummers to 'Come out of the closet and get ready'  
696\. When you go to sleep, you dream you are still doing the drill or playing the music and stuff like that  
697\. It was all so innocent until he (one of the drummers) was gay and thought you had a crush on him  
698\. In your song you were making up, you rhymed What? with Band Atten-Hut, and then you had nothing to rhyme Fag Cut with  
699\. Nobody said your name, so just keep walking  
700\. You walk into the band room the night of your concert and a bass drummer is on crutches  
701\. Thankfully, he was just messing around with the crutches and not actually hurt  
702\. He really had been hurt, you would've removed him from the crutches, because you like him better on the floor;)  
703\. A bass drummer's carcass is on the chair (actually it was his harness, CERTAIN people just misunderstood me *cough* Merlander01 *cough*  
704\. You point out that drummer that thought you had a crush on him and one of the guard members says (super loudly) "HE'S NOT EVEN ATTRACTIVE!"  
705\. You have a drummer known as "The Romantic Quad Player"  
706\. Rather than moving when the drumline is playing, you and your friend continue your conversation next to them and just get louder  
707\. You didn't realize you had gotten louder until they stopped playing and suddenly you were both screaming at each other  
708\. Your band director calls one of the drummers a doorknob on a regular basis (and one time, an asshole)  
709\. Marching bands have diplomatic immunity  
710\. Instead of the Sussex High School Marching Band, because you don't like them, you call them the Sex Machine Band  
711\. You have the hots for toasters (hahaha Merlander01)  
712\. One of the snares has this look you call "He Smiles Sexily From Under His Hair"  
713\. You got a concussion and all you could say was Craiggo My Eggo  
714\. Your band had to move all their rehearsals to earlier in the day because this lady keeps complaining and calling the police on you  
715\. Your band director has a 'discussion' with this lady  
716\. At your concert, your band director decides we need some dialouge read, so she calls a guy at 6:00 and the concert starts at 6:30  
717\. One of the cymbal players freaks out because he's in football and so couldn't get a polo shirt at the school  
718\. You park on the grass where you're not supposed to park  
719\. For Louie Louie, your band director let June (a snare drummer) conduct and halfway through the song he just stopped conducting (and when he was conducting, he was faking) and started dancing  
720\. The song went fine, anyway, even though no one was conducting  
721\. Your band director lets whoever wants to conduct a song, conduct a pep band song, so you end up with people from the audience who don't know what they're doing  
722\. A 90-year old lady conducts the school song  
723\. You give your snare/set player 'the finger' to start a roll-off  
724\. You don't help unload the drumline equipment, chairs, and stands, because your grandma is there and you can't just let her sit in the car for an hour (or so you say)  
725\. You learned the deep life lesson "Grass is pretty, but it will never give you the tempo… and it doesn't taste very good (but that's irrelevant)"  
726\. You marched like a quarter mile around the track and it took 15 minutes  
727\. You played triplets, subdividing the North and South, while doing it  
728\. The school decided that the lady that said you were too loud is wrong and you can continue practicing the way the band has for the past 33 years (so we don't have to rearrange our schedule)  
729\. The clarinet section spends like 20 minutes arranging themselves into a "A campfire-like and nostalgic" picture in our pod  
730\. Your section leader is the campfire  
731\. You sit in your picture for like 10 minutes until the staff notices it  
732\. You spent 15 minutes practicing condensing a box in one set  
733\. While the other side of the field move on by "12 sets" (according to Sean. Really, it was like 3 sets)  
734\. You admired Sean's hat tan  
735\. You have the 'awkward trumpet' in your clarinet pod  
736\. One of the quad players is wearing black shorts and blue and white Under Armour… and they coordinate perfectly with his black, white, and blue Nikes  
737\. June's shorts start sliding down and you notice he's wearing those hot pink zebra striped short shorts underneath his black athletic shorts  
738\. You are a failure if you don't beat the drumline inside  
739\. Your friend owes you a 20 oz. bottle of regular Mountain Dew AKA Jacob, because she drank half of yours (You know who you are)  
740\. You are getting up earlier than you do on a regular school day to attend Freshman First Day and play pep band songs (Well, at least I'm not in drumline)  
741\. The bass clarinets decide to go back to the school on a five minute break (and we all know the school is at least five minutes away from the field)  
742\. Ryan and Sean (at the exact same time) say "There is nothing on the ground" and then reach down to pull up some grass and go "Except grass"  
743\. You have like 5 middle schoolers in your marching band  
744\. You have a serious discussion on the question "What if Snare 6 became a prostitute?"  
745\. You laugh at marching french horns (like you march concert french horns or you just laugh at actual marching french horns?)  
746\. You spent like an hour liking a bunch of Drum &amp; Bugle Corps on Facebook  
747\. Somebody asked you why over half the music on your Facebook profile was Drum Corps  
748\. You stalk the Drum Corps on Facebook  
749\. You made a Facebook page for the Cavaliers upside-down quad players  
750\. Making an 'L' on your forehead doesn't mean 'Loser', it means "We're playing Louie, Louie next"  
751\. Making a motion like your drinking from a glass means Tequila  
752\. You will do anything to go to a home show no matter what  
753\. You name all your equipment  
754\. Your non-band friends look at you like what is she talking about? when you use band speak to describe something  
755\. You review to a band list to add more things that are so true (I love my fans)  
756\. You can read a band list and know exactly what they're talking about and know that that they are 100% right (Do you go to my school?)  
757\. You miss band camp because you you have nothing to do until practices start  
758\. You enjoy getting your sock tan back  
759\. You yell at people who claim that it is twirling when you tell them that it is spinning (and when they say it is flinging when it is clearly stated that it is tossing)  
760\. You hate misssing a practice or a competition  
761\. At the football game, they thank the parents of the football players and the spirit squad for their support of the football team, but not the band, even though we do all the work  
762\. You marched in and it made your entire life because it was the first time you marched in and somebody didn't scream LEFT! at you  
763\. One of the percussion assistants decides to yell RIGHT!  
764\. You play this game called 'Let's See How Many Times The Drumline Can Get Through The Cadence Before The Football Team Ever Gets Ready To Run In'  
765\. It was 3 1/2 times that time, but the record is 9  
766\. And Steve (the percussion head) told you we didn't have time to play a song before the football team was ready  
767\. Every time they go to start over the cadence Steve yells 'Your turn!' at Bass 4, who does the starting part every single time, except the first time, when Bass 5 does it  
768\. You brought up the whole "What if Snare 6 became a prostitute? thing" with a member of your section and she's like "His response would probably be 'Every day. I consider that every day'" and you start laughing so hard that you almost drop your instrument down the bleachers  
769\. On the way back to the band room, you saw him standing in the parking lot, and so you go to your friend "Look, it's the prostitute" and she looks just as he removes his shirt slowly and then dives into the backseat of a car with his brother  
770\. You have this urge to reach out and nudge the bass drum that is precariously balanced on the bleachers about halfway through the National Anthem (but you so don't)  
771\. You can't sit down until the football team scores a touchdown  
772\. Instead of watching the game, you just criticize the cheerleaders  
773\. You have to twirl when marching to the cadence, which is the most annoying thing ever  
774\. You have that certain person that always yells 'LEFT!' for about a minute after you do the 'What?' in the cadence  
775\. You got really excited when you got to the school because you forgot you had to march in to the cadence and it was an awesome surprise  
776\. Your shoulder gets used as a pep band book stand  
777\. That lady that was trying to get the band to stop playing after 8:30 or whatever takes pictures of the drumline practicing standing still (because it turns out the noise ordinance only applies to stationary things, such as a garage or your house.)  
778\. You all decide this lady just needs to go get a life, and then your band director calls the police on her  
779\. Because, honestly, we all know the drumline isn't stationary and taking pictures of them standing still and mailing them to the police is just desperate..  
780\. You know the difference between 'Steak &amp; Taters' and 'Ear Candy'  
781\. You can play the drumline warm-up on the snare drum  
782\. Opener becomes a warm-up that you use for everything  
783\. You see a drumline with fake knives in their socks  
784\. You change the words to the song Dynamite and Tik Tok because, well, they just didn't reflect the band that well  
785\. You drop your instrument down a flight of stairs accidentally and and you almost cried when you found out you broke a piece off (even though it was one that took like 3 minutes to fix)  
786\. You decided not to join band in high school, but then changed your mind at the last minute (like you attended all the practices over the summer even though you weren't technically enrolled and then joined officially like 3 days before school started)  
787\. You wrote out a schedule for one of your best friends, detailing which guy on the drumline she liked every week, and they all corresponded to dates such as their birthdays, competitions, practices, parades, school vacations &amp; breaks, and other important dates like that (and if you think it's easy, it's not. It takes like a month to complete to it.)  
788\. You didn't laugh when you were in a marching block and Sean said he was going to give you 'The Clap'  
789\. You really, really hate your Closer drill  
790\. Stabbing is not done with a knife, but with your feet  
791\. A cicada lands on a snare drummer's shirt (and stays there)  
792\. And it gets named Cookie  
793\. And then it dies…so…  
794\. Another snare drummer tries to bring it back to life (Which, yeah totally doesn't work)  
795\. Marching your whole show 2 weeks after learning the whole thing = No  
796\. But failing it made you laugh so hard it was totally worth coming to practice  
797\. You practiced dying a few times during your rehearsal  
798\. One of the staff members, Sean, comes over to your side of the field and he's laughing so hard he can barely breathe or talk, but he manages to say "Look at the other side, they have a metronome going… and 3 people clapping. How many things do they need to lead them through the set?"  
799\. You look and notice that they are also all on different counts over there too (So you witnessed the 'spectacle' as Sean kept calling it)  
800\. The sad part is, you laughed so hard about what Sean said, you couldn't breathe either

801\. You hate another school's band because they beat you using the exact same show they performed when your parents went to school  
802\. You find your drum cadence to Walk This Way and your sister walks out of the room because you and three of your friends were dancing to it  
803\. You actually marched and stuff to the cadence when you watched the DVD of it  
804\. Your friend's mom pulls up to the parking director a scrimmage game, rolls down the window and says, "We're with the band" and drives off without paying the guy.  
805\. Your band director left the bandroom locked, lost his keys, and got stranded on the way to get the spare but nobody minds waiting outside for an extra hour and a half because you got to play crazy train, iron man, and rooster while dancing to our heart's content. :)  
806\. For lunch break literally 15 band members go to your house because it's just down the road from the school.  
807\. All 15 people instinctively know that what happens at your house stays there for a good reason 0_o (Don't I know it)  
808\. Two minutes before a concert, one of your friends randomly screams, "GROUP ORGY AT REILLIE'S HOUSE AFTER THE CONCERT!" and the whole band starts cheering even though the impatient audience just heard everything. Parents included xD (haha)  
809\. You get called to attention, and your section leader manages to stop a sneeze  
810\. After you get called to attention, your file on the 40 yard line gets distracted by a ball of fluff floating in the air  
811\. When one of your staff members comes to yell at you, HE gets distracted by the ball of fluff  
812\. When you got called to attention, you have this gnat biting your leg, but you stand still for about 3 minutes, while your leg is having muscle spasms  
813\. You have a drill called 'That 70's Drill' in your basics, because you mark time 8, march forward 8, and on the 8 marching forward you stab, and you have to vocalize it as 'Point Place'  
814\. You actually get jealous of the people running up down the bleachers exercising because the drumline is playing a cadence right next to them  
815\. But it's all okay because about 12 seconds after you get jealous you get to do a practice parade around the track:D  
816\. The biggest question of the night is "Do we bring our instruments up on the 'jupjup' or the 'CRASH'?" (By the way, it's off parade carry on the second jupjup and up on the crash)  
817\. Parade rest is actually harder on your muscles than having your instruments up  
818\. You are eternally thankful you play clarinet and so don't have to hold an instrument parallel to the ground  
819\. Also, you love that it's not heavy  
820\. Your section leader is constipated because 'She has music up her butt' (It was stuck in the back pocket of her shorts)  
821\. After going on about this for like 5 minutes, one of the freshmen in your section makes the mistake of saying 'We've been here too long, it's time to squat.'  
822\. Your show has a disclaimer: 'Nobody was harmed in the making of this show. Just kidding, we all died'  
823\. You've got that one member of your staff that's just a little too into it. *cough* Sean *cough*  
824\. He's also a little bit of a spaz and insane (He seriously told us sanity was overrated)  
825\. When somebody says 'Band Atten Hut!' you go to attention and yell Hut! and shut up, even if you were having a conversation or something  
826\. Because, really, it's an involuntary reaction  
827\. You ask your homeroom teacher to pull up your band schedule and she is so amazed that she turns on the smart board and makes a point of telling the whole homeroom how busy you are…even though they don't care  
828\. You get your revenge on her by paper clipping all of her paper clips together when she leaves.  
829\. Your band director tells you to wave as another director passes by, and then he tells you all to "faint" so you do the most epic faint ever.  
830\. But then you're one upped by a quad who does the whole death scene from the Wizard of Oz (Quads are nothing if not dramatic)  
831\. The birds mock you with their straight lines  
832\. When people ask you how you spent your summer you say, "When was summer?" (RIGHT?)  
833\. Because of this the people in your class stare at you and you feel awkward  
834\. You know the (subtle) differences between the parade rest and the parade carry  
835\. At the one parade you attended, out of the 3 bands, yours was the best (better than the actual town's band)  
836\. And people not in or related to your band actually said this  
837\. You get soaked whenever the bottleholders try to give you a drink  
838\. You were in the bathroom discussing a certain drummer and his mom was in the bathroom, but luckily she said "Yeah, my son so-and-so" before you said anything incriminating  
839\. The snare drummers get triangular sweat stains in the middle of their shirts from their harnesses  
840\. One of the bass drummers drops his sticks in the middle of the road when he's walking to go warm up and so he has to squat down like a pregnant woman to get them  
841\. One of the flutes has her mouthpiece fly off in the middle of the parade  
842\. You enjoy watching the little kids dance to the cadence  
843\. When your mom trys to take a picture of the band, she accidentally takes a video instead  
844\. And she only videos the clarinets and the drumline (Which is all that matters, really;))  
845\. This takes some serious skill because the clarinets are basically in front and the drumline is last  
846\. Middleton's water is in your warm-up space  
847\. The trumpet section leader uses his 'Asian Voice' to yell 'LEFT!' after the What? in the cadence  
848\. Also, Middleton is pathetic, because they can't even pick up their plastic cups  
849\. And their drumline is wearing ugly red berets  
850\. And you laughed at them because they had to wear full uniforms and it's like 80 degrees out  
851\. Waunakee is even more pathetic than Middleton (Drumline = 2 basses, 2 quads, 2 snares, and a cymbal player)  
852\. You were listening to last year's show on your Itunes as you wrote this chapter (or read it)  
853\. Your mind is permanently in the gutter  
854\. You duct tape and/or Band-Aid your feet before parades  
855\. This is because you didn't bother to try on or break in your new bands shoes before then  
856\. One of the other band member's mothers offers to drop ice down your shirt  
857\. And you accept  
858\. And you feel like you should figure out her name or at least who her son is because she always strikes up a conversation with you and yet you don't know these facts  
859\. One of the bass drummers is in charge of collecting the black socks when you get back to the school  
860\. But he doesn't make sure they're right side out  
861\. So one of the tuba players follows him around for like 15 minutes after that, saying "You are going to make a terrible mother" (and the bass drummer is a guy)  
862\. You fake-help the pit take their equipment in  
863\. For one of your parades, you wear one white shoe and one black  
864\. You do the 'White Underwear' dance  
865\. One of the other people in your section (who happens to be one of your best friends) is high on life and just acts loopy all practice  
866\. You go to school for half an hour (7:45 - 8:30 in the morning)  
867\. You practice your music in a big arc on the track  
868\. The drumline is behind this arc  
869\. And they never shut up  
870\. So when your section leader says 'Hey, drummers, could you shut up?' she gets replies varying from 'You shut up' to 'It's not me' to 'Yes, sir' to 'NO' to 'But I would never even consider doing that, man'  
871\. You have to sing your parts… over and over again… even though you are the band and can't sing worth anything  
872\. Your music director asks Bass 5 to demonstrate his part… which he does  
872\. But it's on Bass Drum 4  
873\. While Bass 4 is wearing the drum  
874\. And Bass 5 is wearing his drum  
875\. Bass 4 supports himself on Bass 5's drum for like 30 seconds until he realizes it's a really bad idea  
876\. All 35 members of the band that show up for Freshmen First Day yell the freshmen cheer louder than the 200 kids in the Freshmen class  
877\. After practice, that one annoying cymbal decides to take your Mountain Dew and run for it  
878\. And he throws it into one of your friend's lockers and shuts the door  
879\. So you have to get your friend to open the locker and give it back to you  
880\. And then you open it and it explodes all over the hallway, and your arms, and your shoes  
881\. You find the cymbal player and slap him across the face with your Mountain Dew drenched hands for doing that to you  
882\. And then you wash your arms and slap him across the face again, to prove your point  
883\. Your band director is talking about how when you play the song Sweet Caroline, she wants the drumline to surround someone named Caroline and sing  
884\. But since you don't know anyone named Caroline, you have to sing to your drum set player's mother  
885\. When the band director says this, everyone turns and stares at your set player, who then turns around too, and then suddenly realizes your band director was talking to him (That was so funny…)  
886\. And then he tells you that his mother's name isn't Caroline, it's Carolyn  
887\. So you are still waiting on singing to a person named Caroline  
888\. One of the snare drummers running back to the field screaming "I always leave my clothes on the field!" isn't out of the ordinary  
889\. What was out of the ordinary was that he actually had a shirt on when you started practice and Snare 6 didn't (Which never, ever happens)  
890\. That half hour you were supposed to be at school on Freshmen First Day turns into 15 minutes  
891\. From a practical standpoint, it wasn't worth coming, because you only played 4 songs (But from your standpoint, it was totally worth it)  
892\. That same drummer that leaves his clothes on the field, leaves his drum in the gym  
893\. Drummers in togas… I will say no more  
894\. You walk in late to your class meeting because you had to play pep band at the assembly right before  
895\. At the assembly, everyone gets a sore throat, but you got yours from screaming "TEQUILA!" as loudly as possible, not from doing your class cheer like everyone elses (And our class won the cheer-off thank you very much)  
896\. The first day of school isn't really the first day of school because you were there all summer  
897\. You march in the rain  
898\. You do it pretending you don't notice the rain (but you so do)  
899\. You pin cow spots on your black pants for Cow Chip  
900\. You get in charge of hanging up all the white pants after the parade is over  
901\. People *cough* Snare 6 and your tuba soloist *cough* sprint (oh, the irony) to make it to the marching band before we leave  
902\. Which is a total relief, because you were going to kill yourself if June did the whole tap-off thing  
903\. You have so many scenarios involving 'So when this person becomes famous, I'll know this about them'  
904\. You ran into a snare drummer when he was in just his shorts and you were in your shorts and putting on your tank top and you were both super sweaty and gross, and you don't even care  
905\. But for like 20 minutes after that, you go around saying "The prostitute sweat on me"  
906\. You pass a member of the UW band, going 'Snare 6, I'm giving you the finger, start the roll-off"  
907\. The UW band guy just smiles and shakes his head like he gets it perfectly  
908\. You strip in the bandroom… or the hallway… or wherever  
909\. You found out that the lady who always talks to you is Bass 5's mother, and she absolutely adores you  
910\. Which is ironic, because Bass 5 hates you, and you hate him (From the whole he-hit-you-with-his-bass thing)  
911\. Bass 5 makes the smallest middle schooler wear his bass drum  
912\. And then Steve yells at him, saying "He's going to fall over and kill himself and break the drum - it's too heavy for him"  
913\. You ask a tuba player to hold your clarinet so you can pull a guard member out of the bleachers where she got stuck  
914\. One of the guard members gets wacked in the face with a flag and gets her jaw dislocated  
915\. You sit on the bleachers and have your suspenders around your waist and they're also unzipped and unbuttoned and no one even looks at you weird  
916\. You were standing on a ladder putting the white pants away, and the tenor sax player thinks it would be funny to push the ladder over  
917\. It starts to tip and you almost fall on top of a quad player, but he catches the ladder and pushes you back up  
918\. You say 'MOO!' instead of 'WHAT?' in the cadence during Cow Chip  
919\. They spelled 'bass drums' wrong on the back of the drumline shirt (base drums… honestly?)  
920\. The graduated cymbal player follows your band, taking pictures  
921\. And also, the local news follows you through the parade too  
922\. You loved your band director when she said you could just have your arms at your sides during the cadence  
923\. The cadence is permanently stuck in your head (even if sometimes, it's in the back of it)  
924\. Walking through Cow Chip, you get like 20 congratulations on your performance in the parade from people you don't know  
925\. The spot you and your friends always meet is in the band room  
926\. You figure what weapons your instruments could be used as (my personal favorite was the clarinet as a dart gun)  
927\. You also spend time discussing how you could kill yourself using a clarinet  
928\. You feel sexy in your band uniform;)  
929\. You keep it classy  
930\. Band is pretty much your favorite class  
931\. When your band director on the first day of school starts talking about playing 3 songs memorized on the track that night at the football game, you don't freak out (Unlike the concert band-only people)  
932\. "Marching Schism would be a good experience, but to be honest, it would look like shit" - Our band director on marching and playing at the football game on the first day of school  
933\. The drumline plays in the commons for no particular reason  
934\. There was only one time in your life when no one yelled anything during the cadence, and that was when the entire band was playing a song, so we couldn't  
935\. The drumline plays a cadence during the time-out until they aren't allowed to anymore  
936\. Long, short, roll-off, play, long, short, short, short, roll-off, play, short, roll-off, play, long, etc. means something to you  
937\. You give up on dressing center because the center is so off (Damn piccolo players)  
938\. You never officially learned how to twirl during the cadence, but you picked it up, because your other choice was being killed by seniors  
939\. Your band is going to play the Banner at the football game, but just as the band starts, a recording starts playing on the speakers and you get super pissed. (And it happened twice)  
940\. It rains on your parade… literally  
941\. When you are in charge of handing out the grading sheets, you forgot to give yourself one  
942\. When you are in charge of handing out the grading sheets, your section leader and her boyfriend are… ahem… otherwise engaged, so you take the sheets and chuck them at him and walk away and don't even think twice about it  
943\. Even after your section leader is all 'WTF?' screaming after you and your band director sees the whole thing and then pretends she doesn't  
944\. You have a male quad player transfer to your all-girls gym class  
945\. You march and play through Opener and Schism like 7 times, but you don't clean anything  
946\. You are the only person in a diagonal who seems to understand that it's a diagonal  
947\. Also, you're the only one who gets that you have to dress the line when you move the form  
948\. The head of the drumline (Snare 6) keeps telling the drumline the wrong set, because he 'Gets excited when he sees people moving;)'  
949\. You were playing Land of a Thousand Dances, and an ambulance pulled up in front of the school, so the entire band gets up and moves to the window to watch, but you KEEP PLAYING THE SONG! (That was so legit, I'm proud to say I did it)  
950\. During math, when your friend is reading the problems in the book out loud, you keep hearing 'symbols' as 'cymbals'  
951\. You got your sheet for Band Day and then you stared doing leaps around the field, screaming 'BAND DAY!' and no one bothered to look twice  
952\. You know the drumline's abbreviations they yell during the show are never good  
953\. That means you also know the polite, clean, that's-what-you-tell-the-principal-when-he-starts-asking versions  
954\. You put band-related stuff on your class ring (Well, I considered it, but Merlander01 actually did it)  
955\. Your friend in charge of the cymbal line makes the cymbals attend a drumline practice that they didn't have to be at, because they were doing Havoc, and cymbals aren't in that  
956\. You realized you have a competition in 3 weeks and you haven't practiced anything besides Scena and Schism  
957\. You have to squat while playing your clarinet  
958\. And scatter while playing, which mainly involves marching in circles around the spot you're supposed to end up in  
959\. After 3 weeks, they finally took time to dress the diagonal that always set as an abstract form  
960\. When your show is called 'thoroughly depressing', it's a really big compliment  
961\. You get kind of scared during the drumline part in Havoc, because it's a battle and it actually makes you really uneasy  
962\. And you are really, truly scared to hear how it's going to sound when it's good, because that was the first rehearsal of Havoc  
963\. You nailed the most complicated part in Havoc, and you even had it going faster than the drum major was directing it  
964\. So you feel halfway ready to try it at tempo, while potentially marching during some of it  
965\. The quad player in your gym class earns the nickname 'Man-Whore', but only people in band are allowed to call him that, and you defend him to every other person who calls him that (including your mother who called him that first, just not in so many words - more like Well, if he's in a gym class with 30 girls, he must want something from them…'  
966\. You have 'pinky-stretching' circles in your section to loosen up your pinkies before you play your clarinet  
967\. In gym, when the one gym teacher says "Don't vary your pace, it's a cadence", you, that quad player, the other clarinet, and one of the color guard members all share a really confused look for a moment, and then you get it  
968\. You got this review about one of your stories, saying the instruments were the wrong names, so you Googled it, and it turns out they were technically right  
969\. But your band marches the stuff you originally had (Tubas, marching French Horns, and marching Baritones)  
970\. Which makes you think your band is really screwed up  
971\. Even though you only have like a 100 people in your band, you still had 4 Drum Majors one year  
972\. Your have a certain friend who skips stupidly through the hall, slips, and then does it again on purpose while you video it, adn then she gets black marks all over the floor  
973\. You have to use the 'Magic Tennis Ball' to clean up the black marks  
974\. You have to sit in the road for like an hour before you can join in the parade  
975\. You sit in the back of the bus and 'spy' on the drumline  
976\. Conversations about fishing, the Wizard of Oz, hunting, retarded fish, MTV, Comedy Central, naked guy cheerleaders, hair styling, and the fact that you aren't adults is what you talk about with your friend and one of the senior bass drummers  
977\. The senior bass drummer tells you his dream is to be a hairstylist  
978\. So you and your friend make like 99 million jokes about 'nicking your scalp' (because he wants to enlist in the Marines and he's just going to give everyone buzz cuts)  
979\. In the lunchline, you grabbed a hamburger bun from the bag and it was the last one, and then the bag got stuck on your hand  
980\. Then you have to ask your section leader's boyfriend (who is standing behind you) to take it off, because you have a tray in your other hand  
981\. And the whole time you just think 'It would happen when you were behind me'  
982\. During the parade, a bottleholder manages to miss your mouth and the water goes straight down your shirt and soaks your bra  
983\. And you can't say you didn't appreciate it  
984\. When people ask about the marching band in front of you, you stare at them blankly  
985\. And then they go on and say "The Wisconsin Heights Band", and you just reply, "They should be ashamed to call themselves a marching band"  
986\. There is a move where you slide two boxes together, and you just slide over, having blind faith that the tubas won't take your head off  
987\. Wisconsin Height's Bass Drum part was so easy, you memorized it in like 30 seconds  
988\. And your own bass drummers started playing it  
989\. You know two guys who play flute  
990\. Your e-mail address has your instrument name in it (Which mine would, if I hadn't made it before I joined band)  
991\. You try to reason out why the one bass drummer of the band in front of you is wearing a cheerleader uniform  
992\. You play at the elementary school Ice Cream Social and there are 10x more people in the band than there is in the audience  
993\. You were playing in two arcs, and on instinct, you moved your head to the right like 6 inches, and barely a second after that a trombone slid is right where your head was before  
994\. You ride the bus back to the school from the Ice Cream Social (which is like 2 blocks) and everyone on the bus gets labeled 'The Smart People' (because they didn't walk)  
995\. Every 5 seconds the bus stops to pick up a person from the band that started walking to the school  
996\. This is called 'Collecting People', and your band director says "Well, eventually we'll pick up enough to get a full bus"  
997\. After you quit marching the parade, one of the snares starts doing a tap-off, and YOU WERE ALL STILL IN STEP AND MARCHING ON THE CORRECT FOOT (Keywords: We weren't marching anymore)  
998\. You sprint to the bathroom, because you're 'just desperate to take off your clothes;)' (It was so hot out and we were so damn sweaty)  
999\. Two nameless peope may or may not have had a conversation about whether they prefer the name 'Boner' vs. the name 'Hard-On'  
1000\. One of the bass drummers walks by you and says "Man, I'm getting a hard-on" (To himself, but STILL. What do you even say to that?)

1001\. You have paint on your feet  
1002\. Because you marched in bare feet right after they painted the lines on the football field  
1003\. You march on grass, not Astroturf  
1004\. You got to touch the plumes *said in tones of awe and reverance*  
1005\. Some people have to switch plumes in the middle of the show, because they go from North to South  
1006\. The best part about being in the North is that you don't have to help the pit  
1007\. This is because every time the staff asks whose turn it is to help the pit, the whole North yells "The South!"  
1008\. And the South apparently can't get it together to yell "The North!"  
1009\. So the South has to help load and put away for every competition and practice you have  
1010\. You and the freshman color guard member get obsessed with the tuba soloist's leg hair  
1011\. The pep talk before State for the North side is: "SPOILER ALERT!: We win!"  
1012\. One of your competition days goes like this: First you wake up and you have no hot water to shower in  
1013\. And then you didn't get breakfast  
1014\. Then you broke your reed  
1015\. And an annoying freshman spilled soda on your pants  
1016\. You got stuck sitting next to the most annoying eighth graders ever  
1017\. You almost get hit by a car walking across the street  
1018\. You break another reed  
1019\. It's really hot and you sweat like crazy  
1020\. Your hat breaks like two minutes before you go on  
1021\. So you get to wear a too-small hat from the girl who isn't playing because she has a broken ankle  
1022\. You screwed up your platoon marching  
1023\. And it was still a super good day in your life  
1024\. You have seen your French teacher shuffle to 'Party Rock Anthem'  
1025\. You finally, finally got that hug from that senior snare drummer  
1026\. This is a good thing for your friends, because they were getting freaked out by the fact that every time you got disappointed (which was many, many times) you went "He can't hide forever" in a demented voice  
1027\. Those two annoying eighth graders happened to see you in your underwear and since then, they haven't really been able to look you in the face (and it wasn't that big a deal, because everyone was changing, but I guess for little innocent eighth graders…)  
1028\. You might've flirted with your Whitewater guide from Waukesha West who is at least a sophomore in college  
1029\. But he hates Waukesha North, same as you  
1030\. And he high-fives you when your friend tells him about the time you got into a fight with that chick from Waukesha North  
1031\. You remain in a black plume, because you are pure 100% North, and do not switch loyalties  
1032\. You put the awkward trumpet in your clarinet section picture  
1033\. At Greendale, one of your staff members is "Rain Cloud"  
1034\. And he gets called this forever after  
1035\. They always pronounce Scena wrong when announcing your show (Shane-uh, Skeena, Sayna)  
1036\. And Schism (Shism, Skim)  
1037\. And at Greendale, Havoc (Huvuc)  
1038\. But they got Aftermath right  
1039\. After the competition is over, one of your friends congratulates the announcer on getting 1 of the 4 sections correct  
1040\. At State, you and your friends scream 'WE LOVE YOU, STEPHANIE AND STROMI!' (The guard captains)  
1041\. Like 30 seconds later you add "AND KEVIN! (The drum major)  
1042\. The supense in listening to the places just about kills your whole life  
1043\. And you sigh in relief every time they don't call your school's name  
1044\. So okay, it totally wasn't your fault your guide was flirting back at State  
1045\. Plus, you weren't pathetic like some of the other people standing there doing it  
1046\. And he didn't even care when you and your friend hugged him  
1047\. During pep band, one of the snare drummers does this epic failure of a dive to hit the cymbals on the drum set in the roll-off  
1048\. And then, during the song, he gets kicked off set by one of the other drummers  
1049\. The drummers play way too slowly during Summertime Blues, so that it's practically winter by the time you finish  
1050\. Your lead snare then does an incredibly fast roll-off to start Tequila just to annoy the band and throw them off  
1051\. You start laughing so hard you can't play the beginning  
1052\. The joke is totally on them because the band keeps up and it turns out that the drummers can't keep up the fast tempo for the whole song  
1053\. And after it's over, everyone congratulates them on finally getting a song on tempo  
1054\. At the hospital tailgate party, they make the guy in the Michigan sweatshirt conduct On Wisconsin  
1055\. The concert banders that came with on that trip totally didn't know when the What? came in the cadence  
1056\. And one guy dropped his clarinet when it happened because he was startled  
1057\. Also, it turns out that concert banders cannot stay in step  
1058\. And they don't have Hey song memorized, so when you go surround the crowd and play, they just fake it, looking lost  
1059\. One of the snare drummers decides to play freakin' slide whistle on Tequila and Land of A Thousand Dances  
1060\. He sits almost directly in front of your friend playing bass drum, and you and your friend always make faces at each other during pep band  
1061\. So the snare keeps shooting you a WTF? look  
1062\. Then he decides to play it on 25 or 6 to 4, but he doesn't know the part, so he sits in and goes off your clarinet part  
1063\. Then one of the other clarinets at the end of the song goes: "We have a new clarinet!"  
1064\. And the snare goes "Hey everybody! I think I'm going to pass out."  
1065\. You give him a disbelieving stare, because who passes out on 25 or 6 to 4? (Even if they were playing faster than normal)  
1066\. At State, you get your hat mixed up with the second bass drummer's  
1067\. He gets all hysterical because he's been having problems with his uniform getting mixed up with others all day  
1068\. It's all good, because your hat is two sizes smaller than his  
1069\. During practice, you go half an hour into your lunch time and it kills you, but nobody outwardly complains  
1070\. You wear a push-up bra for State, because Sean said to stick out your chests when you march the scatter at the beginning of Schism  
1071\. The last time performing your show, doesn't feel like the last time performing your show  
1072\. You perform on autopilot, because you don't remember the drill or GE  
1073\. During the concert in the gym, the clarinets and flutes form a line behind the drumline  
1074\. Then each of one of you goes through a pair of drummers to form an arc in front of them for the woodwind feature  
1075\. Which looks cool and is great in theory, but when you're going between bass drummers that can't see you, it's a little nerve-wracking  
1076\. When asked about it, though, you say you'd rather be between Bass 4 and Bass 3, vs. Bass 5 and Bass 4, because Bass 5 would ram you on purpose. Plus, Bass 4 seems to think you need like 12 feet of space, which you don't. (But it got fixed)  
1077\. As soon as you finish the woodwind feature, you have to turn and haul major ass to the back of the gym to perform GE moves in a block (and you've got less than 16 counts to do it)  
1078\. Every single time you turn and sprint between the bass drummers you are sure you are going to crash into one of them at some point (but you never did)  
1079\. During one of your pep band gigs, there was a makeshift drumset (One guy played quads, one did snare and cymbals, and one played bass drum)  
1080\. It wasn't quite as skilled as the time that one of the snares played the whole first part of Summertime Blues on just the quads, but it was pretty close  
1081\. He also did it once on his snare, but the quad thing topped it  
1082\. You get invited to Skull Session and the one kid who doesn't want to go gets glared at for like ten minutes  
1083\. Your director tries to move the boy's varsity soccer game, but can't because she already moved it once for the Spectacular you have that same night, so you laugh at your friend who can't go  
1084\. On the bus to Skull Session you fall asleep with your feet flat on the gound and your upper body curled in a ball on the seat and you are actually comfortable.  
1085\. In geometry you see a tuba player chewing on a reed and you just stare at him for a couple minutes then remember he also plays baritone sax  
1086\. You do thumb kisses with and without lips  
1087\. You can kick someone's TOE  
1088\. One more time really means six more times  
1089\. A five minute water break is a two-and-a-half minute water break  
1090\. But a three minute water break is a five minute water break.  
1091\. You begin to wonder where the director learned his math.  
1092\. You have two minutes to run up the hill, to the band room, roll your flags up, put them in the right spot while waiting to get into the closet, put your drill bag into your locker, and still make it to the other side of the school in time for class.  
1093\. And you can do it, too  
1094\. When your World Religions finale is to create a religion you and six other people use marching band.  
1095\. That one clarinetist is a lame-o because she uses drama instead of band  
1096\. As a guard member you get excited when you learn that the band has to jazz run around you.  
1097\. The first time they do this you can't help but laugh at the epic fail (Exactly why we don't jazz run)  
1098\. And then you get pissed because it's now 14 hours until your first competition and the band still can't jazz run after about 10 weeks of working on it (Mehh… the band hates to put in effort… at least in jazz running)  
1099\. You take it upon your self to teach your friends how to jazz run in a hope that they will teach the other sections  
1101\. Which they don't (Band members don't generally take initiative, if they don't care)  
1102\. You get to create the world (The show is called Genesis)  
1103\. You have an extremely tall saxophonist who played Jesus (Hay Zeus) in the Odd Couple.  
1104\. Because of this, he is God, therfore he created the world, so he should get the sax solo at the beginning of the show  
1105\. But the director gives it to an arrogant senior  
1106\. Because your show is called Genesis you have Let There Be from Children of Eden stuck in your head.  
1107\. Sometimes you wonder how far you can push the school code with a religious show  
1108\. It's farther then you thought (It's quite far; we did both Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar last year)  
1109\. You think it's ironic because about half the band doesn't believe in religion  
1110\. You (on guard) march past your boyfriend (plays sousaphone) with the other guard soloist and tell that you're cheating on him with the other guard soloist  
1111\. When the middle schoolers come up to march, you make a point of high fiving all two of the kids who play your instrument  
1112\. You hope you did scare those two kids away  
1113\. At rookie camp you're surprised that the number of freshmen in that section has nearly tripled  
1114\. Your director tells you to treat everyone in the band like family.  
1115\. You laugh because that means incest.  
1116\. He then tells you that he would prefer band members dating each other.  
1117\. When you are a safe distance away, you and your best friend begin to crack up because half the band is dating each other, therfore committing incest  
1118\. the portal to Narnia is in her Sousaphone  
1119\. So she decides to take your favorite hat and send it to Narnia.  
1120\. You then laugh because she now has to play three songs with your hat stuck in her bell.  
1121\. You, the one guy on guard (who is totally straight just acts gay) and her have to take off the bell to get your hat back  
1122\. If you're sick, you go to marching band and then leave  
1123\. If you've already missed band, you don't bother to come to school at all  
1124\. You and your friends are writing your own marching show because you're fed up with the crappy ones you've had (I'm not.)  
1125\. Doing so is actually not as hard as you thought…  
1126\. MARCHING TACO! You eat it even if you're a vegan (So true… that should be a slogan)  
1127\. There are no vegans in marching band (or at least, there won't be when the season ends)  
1128\. The one girl who was a vegan ate a hamburger at a stop at McDonald's (And you would stop there why? Unless you couldn't choose Culver's…)  
1129\. Your Facebook profile is filled with marching band stuff  
1130\. Post-marching band depression is a serious medical condition (yes, yes it truly is)  
1131\. This is cured with winter guard or pep band, depending on your case  
1132\. You leave a crap-ton of suggestions for marching band fanfics (Which means that I don't have to do all of them!)  
1133\. You constantly talk to your concert band director/student teacher during extended lunch  
1134\. Your marching band director calls the band to attention to tell them that the band is hitting Peachwave and they're welcome to come  
1135\. During the Homecoming football game, you play Super Man and hoist the girl and guy on Homecoming court into the air  
1136\. Someone is constantly yelling "Shut Up!" into the drum room because battery always practices too loud.  
1137\. You only know what's going on during football games based on what music is played  
1138\. If you're wearing a band shirt, you can scream "Hi" to anyone in band and they'll wave back, whether they know you or not  
1139\. You cannot contemplate ever quitting marching band  
1140\. Your female drum leader says: "I get to look like a girl?" (She's looked like a guy in uniform for the past three years)  
1141\. You swish your cape and say the tentacle line from Finding Nemo  
1142\. When on a coach bus, most of the movies brought along and watched are Disney movies  
1143\. You're mentally five years old and proud  
1144\. You go to the band room to eat lunch everyday because it has a microwave  
1145\. You call your band director by their first name  
1146\. You like to jazz run on a daily basis  
1147\. You think you're terrible at the instrument you play but everyone else thinks you're the best  
1148\. You take your instrument everywhere with you (lol sounds hard if you play tuba, fifth bass drum, quads, stuff like that.)  
1149\. You have a sixth grader in your marching band  
1150\. You laugh when you realize he plays sousa, which is almost as big as him.  
1151\. You laugh even harder when you realize he is one of your band's best sousas.  
1152\. All of the drumlines warm ups are named after food (Hotdogs, hamburgers and some french fries, gatorade, etc.)  
1153\. You start having dance parties in the band room on a contest day  
1154\. Most of your jokes involve something that happens in band  
1155\. You start giving other band people names that correspond to things from books  
1156\. It rained during 3 out of the 4 football games you played at  
1157\. You play a 'Deranged Version of Dixie'  
1158\. It starts raining in the middle of the rehearsal you were having instead of the competition you were originally attending (and it poured like hell, so you're glad that you missed it)  
1159\. The words 'Absolute Zero' and 'Pocket Rocket' have a meaning to you  
1160\. One of your visual judges writes your drill, so you can't mess up and then pretend like it was supposed to happen  
1161\. At one of your away football games, you make fun of the other band mercilessly because they can't and don't march, and they stand in a block, and when they marched on and off, they were out of step, and they have a lame-ass 'Ribbon Guard'  
1162\. You perform your show in a gym (which is much easier said than done)  
1163\. Your holiday parade gets moved back because they wanted the band in it, but it's like five miles long, so you discuss renting a truck and entering yourselves as a float (or possibly, just the drumline)  
1164\. Band is a full time gig  
1165\. You visit the opponent's side during your Homecoming game, to see your grandparents, and all the other kids stare at you wierdly and you just laugh at them  
1166\. People ask to touch your uniform  
1167\. You make up stupid shout-outs to send to people  
1168\. You eat Culver's in a uniform (which is forbidden, by the way)  
1169\. They should've just given up on the chains… they always break like halfway through… or before you even start (on the jackets, you sickminded perverts)  
1170\. You spend quite a bit of time on the bus in your bra because it's so hot out  
1171\. A balanced meal is: Sandwich cookies, cupcakes, Mountain Dew, chocolate, and grapes  
1172\. You have some people wear sunglasses during one of the competitions (I think it may have been seniors… but I'm not quite sure)  
1173\. You make quads out of the bass drums (like you take them, set them in quad configuration and then get a quad player to play them)  
1174\. It's painful to look at undressed lines, no matter where you are  
1175\. The snare drummer that starts the entire show gets sick the night before State  
1176\. You pretty much die of relief when he shows up for practice in the morning, even if he does look like he's going to faint any second (but that's okay, as long as he does his part first, because it would inject realism into the show)  
1177\. One of the bass drummers breaks her drum head like 30 seconds before you go on at your concert  
1178\. You get to sit on the track at Greendale because they don't have enough room for you in the stands  
1179\. You strike up random conversations with people from different bands that you don't even know and it's not weird  
1180\. When walking through a lined up band, and your friend calls the sousaphones 'tubas', you automatically correct her: 'sousaphones'  
1181\. And then one of the sousaphones turns around and asks "What?" and you're just like "Oh, she called you tubas" and he goes "It's sousaphones" and you go "I know, I corrected her" and he gives you a high five  
1182\. Your music director points to the tubas and baritones during Aftermath and says "That is everything that is wrong and ugly"  
1183\. You know that the band and drumline switch within their sections during the Homecoming parade  
1184\. Which is why you are surprised to find yourself, a clarinet, in the back row, in between Basses 4 and 5, and behind Snare 6  
1185\. And then, suddenly you are shoved up a row, and you are in the exact middle of the cymbal line, who decides it would be funny to all crash in your face  
1186\. After awhile, the band decides to sort itself out, and you have to sprint to catch up to the front row to finish the parade (See what I did there?)  
1187\. At the middle school pep rally, you have to wait in the chorus room for the assembly to be ready longer than you actually play  
1188\. You and the fresman color guardist (yes, I made this word up) make up fake Latin names for the drummers (ex. Quads is Latin for more than three, snare is Latin for we break sticks, Cymbals is Latin for slacker section. Bass Drum is a blank still)  
1189\. You are numb during a competition and are unaware of anything until you die (at the end of Havoc)  
1190\. They almost made the South wear white pants, but couldn't because some people switched sides in the drill  
1191\. A House Divided:1861-2011 is what it says on your shirt, and it's not a typo, because we're still fighting the Civil War (and the North is still winning)  
1192\. During Schism at State, instead of yelling "FTS!", you yell "FRF!" (Fuck River Falls)  
1193\. This is because River Falls always wins everything  
1994\. It must have worked, because you win 4th place out of 10, with a 77.6 total (over 5 out of 7 the previous year)  
1195\. They go to announce Best Drumline, and River Falls stands up, because they won every other caption award  
1196\. The look on their face is incredibly priceless when they announce the top drumline  
1197\. This is because they announced your school's name, Sauk Prairie, and not River Falls  
1198\. You scream for like 2 minutes straight after they say this, because you are in such shock  
1199\. The rest of the night is kind of just a huge blur of driving home, but you are so incredibly happy  
1200\. Culver's has their sign say "Congrat SP Drumline for winning State!"

1201\. During dinner at State, the freshman guardist kept squirting grapes at one of your other friends in guard  
1202\. And then she dropped one in her soda  
1203\. And your friend lost one, and couldn't find it, so she deemed it "A Grape Houdini"  
1204\. The freshman guardist starts choking on a cupcake because she is laughing so hard, and you're just like "Keep coughing!" through your laughing, until she spits out half the cupcake  
1205\. You lurk beneath the bleachers to watch other competing bands  
1206\. When you sit on the aisle seat, every time somebody walks past, you get a face full of their ass  
1207\. The back of the bus turns into a mass homicide/ group orgy/wrestling match  
1208\. One of the bass drummers walks up and goes "I need somewhere to put my nuts." (His like 50 acorns he picked up for some reason)  
1209\. And then he hides his nuts in a secret container in a secret location that I cannot reveal  
1210\. One of the snares sings during Opener  
1211\. You start to laugh so hard you almost pass out because you are still faking it on clarinet, so you have like no oxygen  
1212\. The snare drummer is a really really really extremely unbelievably terribly awful singer (you have to hear it to believe it)  
1213\. The drumline rocks back and forth, alternating every other person (so one person rocks back while the people next to them are going forward) during Closer, while they play, and it actually sounds pretty good  
1214\. The holiday parade = throw the drumline on a flatbed truck, and not the band, because our instruments could be damaged, but drums… who cares?  
1215\. During Louie Louie you have the drumset player on the second drumset, who gets a little, um, wild and crazy during the drum solo  
1216\. Tambourine is done by the general set player  
1217\. He also plays Wipe Out standing to the side of the set, because the other set player doesn't know it  
1218\. The drum major silences the band and declares "Proud Mary!"  
1219\. He immediately gets about 110 death glares and hastily says "Just kidding, Smoke on the Water"  
1220\. Everytime someone says "24", the drum major or some other person goes "There is no 24!"  
1221\. Even though #24 is clearly Old Time Rock and Roll, although the drum major doesn't have a copy and the drummers don't know it  
1222\. You are in pit orchestra for the musical  
1223\. Or, when you go to the musical, all the boring parts turns into 'Let's Scrutinize The Pit Orchestra'  
1224\. Which you do until the drumset player looks up and makes eye contact with you, and since you know him, you decide it might be a good idea to look away  
1225\. Although watching him lean over the drumset to hit the gong was entertaining  
1226\. So was watching him watch them oil the Tinman, so he could tap the cowbell every time they did it (We did Wizard of Oz, and it was incredible)  
1227\. You attempt to play pep band without drummers  
1228\. Somebody suggests playing Land Of A Thousand Dances, which has a drum solo in it  
1229\. Just as they suggest that, one of the snare drummers comes back into the room to get something or other  
1230\. Your drum major and the rest of the band immediately rope him into playing drum set  
1231\. For the rest of the period, not just that one song  
1232\. You play Sing, Sing, Sing like five times, because you kept getting off  
1233\. The set player gets increasingly pissed because it's his least favorite song  
1234\. You played Sing, Sing, Sing standing on your chairs  
1235\. For one of the songs, the drum major tells the drum set player "Don't drag the tempo"  
1236\. The drum set player just looks at him coolly and goes "You're conducting"  
1237\. You attempt Beer Barrel Polka because the drumline isn't around (they suck ass at that song)  
1238\. Turns out, so do the people who play melody on that song  
1239\. A freshman conducts Cleveland Rocks  
1240\. She keeps pointing at the set player and he just keeps pointing back at her, refusing to start the song  
1241\. Finally, somebody else yells "Roll-off!" and he starts  
1242\. When someone asks what the tempo is, they get the reply "Fast. F-A-S-T. Fast with a capital F."  
1243\. The set player is just like "Fast? I need a beat. Like *starts snapping fingers* this or something, you know? An actual tempo?"  
1244\. So one of the trumpet players sets it ridiculously fast  
1245\. You make up the drum part to The Chicken Dance as you go along  
1246\. You pretty much want to smack your sister upside the head when she calls it a 'drum cayjents'  
1247\. One of the quad players plays both quads and snare during the little roll-off thing they do for senior basketball players  
1248\. It was quite funny, because he'd play the first part on snare, which was on a stand, and then he'd switch to quads for the second part, which he was wearing  
1249\. There is an annoying girl who thinks she's cool and tries to play bass drum on a stand with her elbows up next to her ears (and she seriously thought that's how they were played)  
1250\. There is another annoying girl who gets kicked out of the band section, because she wasn't in the band  
1251\. She saunters coolly along, trying look like she doesn't care, and then she trips over the bass drums  
1252\. Then she gets yelled at by one of the snares  
1253\. You half make peace with Bass 5 by asking him to open your water bottle  
1254\. Which he fails at, but it was a nice gesture that he actually tried  
1255\. Bass 5 looks stupid at all times, but he looks especially stupid in a scarf  
1256\. Your family gets obsessed with when the senior pit member is going to shave  
1257\. You have the order of the songs in the pep band book memorized  
1258\. During pep band, it is mutually and silently understood that no matter what the percussion is doing, there is the one guy who will come and play set  
1259\. Wipe Out's drum part is 'just a little different' from Ghost Buster's  
1260\. Every time that one set player gets on, you just happen to play Sing, Sing, Sing - his least favorite song  
1261\. It takes 4 drummers to adjust the drum set  
1262\. Eventually the band gets tired of waiting for the drummers and so one of them starts the song while the others just go around him continuing to adjust it  
1263\. One of the bass drummers conducts Summertime Blues and ends it 8 measures before the song actually ends, but luckily no one was paying attention, so the song just went on  
1264\. The guy directing plays French Horn through 25 or 6 to 4, instead of actually conducting  
1265\. Your main drummer doesn't know how to start 25 or 6 to 4, which is pretty sad, because your band plays it every single time you do pep band  
1266\. That one drummer has a new pair of boxers with penguins on them… and you start to feel that his belt isn't helping him at all  
1267\. One of the snare drummers that also plays saxophone yells at the percussion to get it together and he promptly gets hit in the head with a bass drum mallet and he almost drops his sax  
1268\. You've heard a roll-off played on cowbells  
1269\. You high-five random people from other bands that play your instrument  
1270\. You've ever asked "What number is eleven?" and gotten your intended response (the name of the song)  
1271\. You've witnessed a French Horn throwing his book and then playing every other song 2 octaves higher than normal just because the drum major said that you wouldn't be playing Hot Time  
1272\. You've had a slide whistle solo in a song  
1273\. The tubas lean over random people and blast their eardrums out during pep band songs just for the fun of it, until the drum major makes them stop  
1274\. You played pep band next to the quads (Whose smart idea was it to put them directly in front of the clarinets, anyway?)  
1275\. The quads knock your book off your stand with their wild playing, but you had that song memorized anyway  
1276\. You played school song, and then they had to clean the ice before the hockey game, so you just started over with your repetoire  
1277\. The person you are sharing a stand with knocks the book off the stand three times in a row  
1278\. The saxophones decide to use the hood of your jacket as a pep band book stand without asking or anything  
1279\. You are completely okay with this  
1280\. You contemplate what would happen if you pushed that one girl holding the books over the railing and decide not to because the drum set is underneath it  
1281\. You almost hit one of the snare drummer's cars backing out of the parking lot (not going to lie, I missed it by about six inches)  
1282\. You got elbowed in the boobs twice by another snare drummer (Total accidents)  
1283\. When unloading the set, one of the drummers goes "Thanks for bringing in the pedal!" to one of the other drummers  
1284\. The other drummer goes "No problem! Anytime! First time I ever touched one of those, actually…"  
1285\. After the hockey game, a total of like 3 drummers come back to unload all the equipment  
1286\. You joined the all-girls show choir band (The YTBN band)  
1287\. This is after the director says she is looking for another flute, clarinet, trumpet, and alto sax  
1288\. After she's done talking, you go up to ask her about the clarinet spot  
1289\. She gets all upset because you weren't at the meeting at the beginning of the period, because she thought you were already in the YTBN show band  
1290\. You weren't, but you were already on her list  
1291\. You become the first person to be let into the show band without a tryout  
1292\. Attending band consists of walking into the bandroom and walking back out  
1293\. Your section picture at State was the nostalgic campfire pose from like the beginning of the season  
1294\. You know flute players who can play mallets better than the percussion  
1295\. When your school has intramural volleyball teams, one of your snare drummers spends like two weeks recruiting his team  
1296\. He dumps all of the members the second your director says "Let's start a band team! Fire your other members!" and he's just like "I will!"  
1297\. You will carry the 4th Bass if it kills you  
1298\. The only times you drive your car seems to be to go to band  
1299\. At show band practice, you watch a version of the show your school did a few years ago  
1300\. It was the biggest trainwreck you've even seen in your lifetime  
1301\. Then you play through the opening number and are instantly decreed "Twice as good as the other band"  
1302\. Your math teacher starts talking about random assignment and claims classes aren't random because the band dictates scheduling around 5th hour  
1303\. The correct answer to the problem: What is one lurking variable that may have caused a difference between the test scores where easy question were first and the test scores where easy questions were last? is 'The band meets first hour, so skill levels aren't as good.'  
1304\. You get let out an hour and a half early from show band practice  
1305\. After it started 15 minutes late  
1306\. Whoever decided *cough* Sean *cough* that the clarinets should have a duet with the bass drummers is really dumb, because that doesn't work out  
1307\. Even when your band director is organized, she's still more disorganized than every other staff member  
1308\. Your director walks into a practice and says "So, what if Eunice the unicorn was homeless and you asked her how many kids she had, and she started stamping her hooves so fast she was doing a tap dance?"  
1309\. You all know what she's talking about  
1310\. Your director realizes that she accidentally transposed the show band music into the key of C, when it should really be in the key of D  
1311\. Band turns into fifteen minutes of pep band music with no low brass, no drum major, no band director, and a conducting freshman  
1312\. When you have a free day in band, you grab the piano and like 5 people come over demanding that you play 1000 Miles  
1313\. You've had people ask you to get in someones locker that is 8 feet off the ground and you do so graciously  
1314\. You feel like you've got at least one person in band who has major things in quality with you :)  
1315\. In pep band there is someone with their shirt saying "Thing 1" "Thing 2" or "Tweedle Dee" "Tweedle Dum". Then you get someone with Anyu  
1316\. During pep band drumline plays parts of your show without drum major or director consent  
1317\. They liked it  
1318\. You win that game!  
1319\. Then you lose the next week  
1320\. Your first thought is "Thank God we get to go home!"  
1321\. Next is "Nooooo! We don't get to go to State!"  
1322\. Then "We lost because the drumline didn't play the show."  
1323\. And finally "I wish I got a marching taco."  
1324\. Your band director has complete control over the theater stage, effectively pissing drama kids off when they have to paint it black, when it was already black.  
1325\. When guard got their warm ups, Barker's said Baker. (Who is our drama director…) And the guard choreographer's said Brain. (His name is Brian…)  
1326\. You get your entire section to scream out your best friend's name when the do the homecoming announcement at the homecoming game  
1327\. She wants you to help out with her orchestra sectionals.  
1328\. You agree having no idea what you'll do, as you play clarinet and are on guard and have no idea how to hold a violin.  
1329\. She also wants to invade the orchestra teacher's office with her some time.  
1330\. Once again you agree.  
1331\. Her little brother is a freshmen on snare line and in Wind Ensemble  
1332\. The two Cassie's on guard are dating the two Alex's in band…  
1333\. You have a strange tan line on your neck from your neckstrap  
1334\. It's completely normal if your section leader is being molested by your fellow section members  
1335\. You want to become a man by the end of the season (even if you're a chick)  
1336\. Every time you hear some one say "Go make me a sandwich woman" you want to punch them in the mouth.  
1337\. You make up adjectives with your section and write them on the white board before sectionals start (ex. orgasmic)  
1338\. You attack your staff guy from band camp with passionate hugs  
1339\. You yell at him for not bringing his mom or cookies (like he promised -.-)  
1340\. At the last competition, you calmly discuss which freshman you'll sacrifice to the band gods and then make soup out of them  
1341\. Your band is also known to you as the church of band  
1342\. The church of band's priest is the fat guy in your section who usually molests members of the band  
1343\. You're married to your best friend and have two children  
1344\. You then end up having an affair with your saughter (son/daughter)  
1345\. "Hulp" is the official saxophone call of distress (you have to say it staccato)  
1346\. You consider the guys in your section to be your older or younger brothers  
1347\. You cringe at the thought of Superhero Day when the fat guy with four sets of boobs painted himself green to be the Hulk  
1348\. The drumline randomly says "Bucket of Fish" and "Ninja Huh"  
1349\. There is always one whiny or incredibly boneheaded freshman in your section  
1350\. You make that freshman cry and usually quit  
1351\. Some people look forward to naked practice (Which may or may not be what I think it is)  
1352\. You got into a yelling contest against the highbrass  
1353\. You show off in concert band by playing some of your marching band music  
1354\. Your instrument is more valuable than your life  
1355\. You are dumbfounded when you tell someone outside band you play the saxophone and they have no idea what it is  
1356\. You've gotten into an arguement with a football player that marching band is a whole lot harder than football (The Classic Argument)  
1357\. Your band director's name is ironically Mr. Reed  
1358\. Your band director has threatened to throw a huge block of wood at you from the top of the band tower  
1359\. Your line makes diagonals when you need to make curves and you get curves when you need to get diagonals  
1360\. You insist on playing your instrument when you just get your braces on or wires tightened  
1361\. You mock bands that highstep by acting like dinosaurs  
1362\. It's normal that the staff people randomly say "Turducken" and burst out laughing  
1363\. Your uniforms look like cowboy costumes (only for Western Brown band probably)  
1364\. It's tradition to make a huge spit pile in the line up area for the saxes and low brass  
1365\. You claim that you're "bari saxy"  
1366\. You call the bari sax "bear sex"  
1367\. You apologize everytime a bass drum player from another band stumbles due to your sexiness  
1368\. You tell freshman to go 2 inside the 50 and watch them look confused for 10 minutes  
1369\. You've worn your show shirt more often than a shirt you got two years ago  
1370\. You want to kill your band director for making the shirt yellow  
1371\. You are filing a restraining order against the trombone who follows you in the mega 20 count diamond of death  
1372\. No one knows what to do when the season is over  
1373\. Your band director has (a) word(s) they use all the time: tenacity, immaculate, phenomenal etc  
1374\. You've tried to persuade the guard to let you use their marching outfit for Halloween  
1375\. Your band director sleeps in his office  
1376\. Your band has a designated nap time on contest days  
1377\. You jack stuff from other people's band lockers when they're not looking  
1378\. You have a Christmas tree (or Hannukah Bush or Tree-That-Grows-In-Room) in the band room  
1379\. It generally gets decorated with stuff from the Lost and Found  
1380\. Someone proposes to their girlfriend at the Madrigal Dinner, during the Twelve Days of Christmas  
1381\. You decorate the tree with socks and origami and duct tape  
1382\. During the pep band game, they only pull out one bleacher row for the band  
1383\. Which is totally okay, because there are only like thirteen of you (A trombone, two baritones, a surrogate tuba, four drummers, three flutes, and one clarinet)  
1384\. You witness a fight between a snare drummer and a saxophone on the wrestling mat (Which began and ended with the sax grabbing the snare by the neck and hauling him around the mat)  
1385\. When the drummers are told to clean the drum room, they begin dueling with random shit they find in the drum room  
1386\. That quad player in your gym class totally can't do yoga (But it made your entire life to watch him try)  
1387\. It's not surprising to see posts on Facebook that say "This would make a great marching band show" or "We should do this for our concert music"  
1388\. You have a band appointment  
1389\. You are over at your non-band friend's house and you have to leave and she says "Oh, do you have a band appointment?" and you're like "Yeah, actually, I do…"  
1390\. You finally carried Bass 4 (and almost fell down the stairs and ran over some small children because you couldn't see where you were going)  
1391\. You are fully convinced that the announcers at competitions are mispronouncing everything on purpose, because nobody makes that many mistakes  
1392\. You never turn in any of your grading sheets and still manage an A in band  
1393\. Or, you're the only person who actually bothers to turn in their grading sheets  
1394\. The clarinet section is the only section that plays during Jingle Bells… the rest of the sections sing  
1395\. Your band director keeps stopping every five measures to yell at one of the drummers who is slacking off  
1396\. She screams at him to hurry up and get a part and quit slacking off, even though there are like six other drummers around him clearly slacking off more than him  
1397\. One of the drummers has to take over some percussion parts in the middle school concert because a bunch of their drummers are sick  
1398\. You are one of the only people who yells 'Hey!' during Hey song when the 8th graders play it  
1399\. The middle school band director makes the same speech every year and it goes like this "There are a lot of great kids in this band, and as a group, I see a lot of potential here. I hope that they will continue on with band in high school, because music is a wonderful part of life. This group has been wonderful to work with and I remember when they were sixth graders and I think how far they've come. Thank you for coming tonight and enjoy the concert."  
1400\. That high school snare drummer gets more applause than the eigth grade band (by all the high schoolers who attend middle school concerts for band credit)

1401\. Every time a song slows down at the end, you think ritardando, no matter what the song is  
1402\. You have this one pep band every year where the eighth graders come and play with you  
1403\. It's a really inaccurate representation of your pep band, because you get free pizza and double credit towards your grade for showing up, so of course everyone comes, all 100 or so of you  
1404\. In reality, it's usually just like 15-20 people who have no life outside of band (or they're working concessions and don't want to do so during half-time or pre-game)  
1405\. The most fun part is playing all the songs that are the hardest, so the middle schoolers look really lost  
1406\. Someone decides to do Hey, Baby!, which you've practiced like twice, and there's a giant cut in the middle from 20-43, which nobody bothers to tell the middle schoolers  
1407\. You are walking with your friend, who is carrying up a bass drum, and when you get back, the band director is yelling about how everyone needs to grab their horns and sit down immediately or else  
1408\. You are wearing a bass drum at that point, so you just turn around and leave again to take it up  
1409\. And then you do it again, because the percussion is all just standing around doing nothing  
1410\. So basically four people set up all the drumline equipment (and one of them *cough* you *cough* isn't even a percussionist)  
1411\. The band director doesn't yell at you for not being there  
1412\. During the pep band rehearsal with the eighth graders, you catch your sister's gaze out of the corner of your eye and you give her a really weird looking smile just for shits and gigs  
1413\. That one bass drummer that thought you had a crush on him catches you and thinks you are doing it to him  
1414\. Drummers are notorious for misinterpreting signals  
1415\. To the choir teacher, your name is Clarinet 2  
1416\. Your band director loses her music somewhere, so you just play without anyone conducting for awhile  
1417\. Your band director walks away in the middle of sight reading a super difficult piece and the band just keeps playing  
1418\. You realize that you really don't like marching season much during the practices and band camp, but afterwards you love it  
1419\. The 12 people in the show band can overpower the singing of about 50 girls  
1420\. Whoever suggested you play Party Rock Anthem is not winning any points with the band  
1421\. It makes your day when you find out someone else reads your story and hates Greendale and Waukesha North  
1422\. You don't even remember when you first became obsessed with band  
1423\. Your favorite game on Wii Fit is the marching band one (I don't even know what it's actually called)  
1424\. Your idea of looking up videos on Youtube is looking at schools who playing pep band songs and critiquing them  
1425\. Or scouring the site looking to see if there are videos of your marching show up  
1426\. Some random saxophone from some other school comes and joins your band rehearsal for a day because his school is on vacation (and one of the snares met him at architect camp, to which your director remarks 'It's a small world.' and one of your friends in your section goes 'Yeah, but not that many people go to architect camp.' And then the snare gives her a dirty look.)  
1427\. During pep band here is always that one girl who is 5' 4 1/2 and is the only one who can fit under the bleachers during basketball games.  
1428\. In Spanish class you have to talk about extracurricular activities and when asked you have to ask how to say 'bassoon', yet the substitute (who knows Spanish as a first language) can't tell you to save her life  
1429\. You end up choosing names for your pep and shirts for next year at the first game  
1430\. You get the one senior who, when the director asked if they want to go snorkeling on the band trip, lists many things including a blow job  
1431\. None of the people are fazed by the last comment  
1432\. At the senior show you discover why boys don't dance  
1433\. STD stands for Sexy Tuba Dancer  
1434\. You're saxy and you know it  
1435\. You're too saxy for your shirt  
1436\. You're bringing saxy back  
1437\. You can kiss my brass  
1438\. During the drum opening to Walk This Way everyone stares at their music but you have about four people who dance the entire way through  
1439."Mine!" Mine!" Mine!" Is heard from the guys' dressing room. (The one from Finding Nemo)  
1440\. Your boyfriend (one of the Alex's) refuses to tell you what happened  
1441\. So to annoy him you say "Mine!" randomly.  
1442\. The row you're sitting all does the Hey Baby dance and doesn't play  
1443\. You can play trombone and do the time warp at the same time  
1444\. No one cares that there are five clarinets in the tuba section.  
1445\. You repeatedly look down the Sousaphone's bells and say "I'm looking for the Russian Circus! I think they're still in here!"  
1446\. At a pep rally your friend tells you she's going to die because she wrote a screw you paper to the AP English teacher (who deserves a good slap in the face).  
1447\. So you help her complete her bucket list with nothing more than a pencil and some notebook paper.  
1448\. You took her to Canada, sporked some one's yard and helped her get laid by Sam from Supernatural. All before you had to play again.  
1449\. When the cheerleaders say "I am Millard South! You are Millard South! We are Millard South! Oh yeah! Number one!" It becomes "I don't give a fuck! You don't give a fuck! We don't give a fuck! Oh yeah! You're all sluts!"  
1450\. You and the female Sousaphone clean up the bleachers after the pep band game, and she's wearing her Susa.  
1451\. Basketball games are called pep band games and there is no question about it  
1452\. Answer three chemistry questions, run down to your clarinet, play Black Eyed Peas, run back up to top row, repeat.  
1453\. There are a lot of people on FanFiction that are in marching band.  
1454\. They all make it into your marching band fic.  
1455\. They don't realize that they are in it until the chapter after that is up  
1456\. You constantly ask people "Have I mentioned how much I love band?"  
1457\. The reason this time is because a trumpet player (about as tall as a mail box) is riding a snare drummer like a horse.  
1458\. You randomly start singing Avenue Q during pep band  
1459\. You have decided that you look like a demented Mario in your bibbers.  
1460\. You have a huge group of people from your grade in marching band who all start randomly playing the Mario theme song when you point this out  
1461\. You have a marching band performance, but the aforementioned sixth grader (the one who plays sousa) doesn't get to be in it.  
1462\. So you walk into the cafeteria when the sixth graders are eating lunch in you bibbers, with your lunch tucked under your arm, playing the Mario theme song.  
(And a lot of other marching banders) sit down with that sixth grader, playing the Mario theme song, and thereby ruining his chances of a social life.  
1464\. After apologizing, you explain that there is no need for a social life when you have band  
1465\. One of your senior trumpet players was running around asking "Has anyone seen my shirt?" and then "Oh! And my pants?"  
1466\. You laugh for about twenty minutes before you realize you were wearing both and THAT'S why your uniform was suddenly too big  
1467\. Your hat blows off during a performance, but you remember your director's wise words and leave it well alone.  
1468\. This results in your hat getting stepped on multiple times.  
1469\. This results in your band director yelling at you.  
1470\. Your journalism teacher asks you "How many instruments do you play again?" and everyone in band cracks up when you start counting on your fingers.  
1471\. The concert banders get to come to a pep rally, and they get so incredibly confused that you take pity on them (actually you laugh while they fight over your music) when they don't have any of the songs memorized.  
1472\. Your band director says "And you get to squish into a bus for 8 hours with your best friends!" to describe a bus trip with the band.  
1473\. Your band points at a blank patch of sky behind you in a professional picture  
1474\. Everyone gets angry when a freshman promises to send the photographer a picture of your school's mascot so it looks like you're pointing at something  
1475\. You finally convinced your band director to add the aforementioned pose into your show (Actually you didn't, but when he said "Just strike a random pose" you organized that everyone point at the sky and then your director  
1476\. You have gone through every camera in the house, and the only pictures on them are birthdays and band competitions  
1477\. There is some unwritten law of the universe that states your band director must carefully plan chair auditions and then promptly get behind on them  
1478\. There is also some unwritten law that says 'Give the clarinets the hardest music you can possibly find and then play it in a concert'  
1479\. If you're absent all day, according to the attendance secretary, you were still in band (because the director never takes attendance, just counts everyone present)  
1480\. Except for those rare days she makes one of the pit members or someone take attendance for her (which is always, infallibly, the day most of the drummers skip class)  
1481\. You've done your band teacher's grading  
1482\. So you feel the need to share with random people what their grade in band is  
1483\. Your band's favorite song is "I'll Make A Man Out of You" from Mulan  
1484\. Your band writes a version of the song concerning marching band and then they post it on FanFiction  
1485\. When you ask someone from a different section where your drill is and they tell you the correct drill spot (showing they know your drill better than you do)  
1486\. Every year you start your drill on the ground right next to the drumline  
1487\. The staff has to tell ALL the band kids to stay away from the guard on the field because they will hit you and won't hesitate over it  
1488\. Hitting a judge during nationals becomes a goal  
1489\. Staff yells at you for doing a great job at the shows because you never do that good at practice. Ever.  
1490\. You do the show better moving than standing still  
1491\. All the work given is stuff you have done before  
1492\. You have the shortest guard girl in front of the super tall quad player and you tell her 'Now don't hit him when you bring your flag behind your head'  
1493\. You forget that your non-band friends don't speak band so you have to explain what you're talking about  
1494\. You consider you band and its staff a better family than your real one  
1495\. You will sooner talk to your staff about a problem than your parents  
1496\. You hate and dread when your band teacher says that you need to go home before practice, because you need to spend some time with your real family  
1497\. Your username involves band  
1498\. You can sleep on a bus  
1499\. You watch old marching shows at section parties  
1500\. You name your plume  
1501\. The senior prank involves changing your marching show  
1502\. You actually sleep the whole way to a competition  
1503\. A freshman can conduct every cadence  
1504\. You think this list is funny (And I swear I didn't come up with that one.)  
1505\. The pit gets upset because the color guard and the drumline have mascots so they name a cowbell and make it their mascot.  
1506\. The band director makes the whole pit run laps because the rest of the band THINKS they are lazy (They ARE, at least most of them)  
1507\. The drumline is basically a cult that revolves around a baseball with a face drawn on it (or a dead cicada name Cookie or a stuffed Alex the Lion… it tends to change quite a bit)  
1508\. The color guard mascot is a Build-A-Bear named Bon Qui Qui Sha Nay Nay Capulet the Third and you have never forgotten it.  
1509\. During awards at competitions, the whole band cheers for said color guard mascot  
1510\. People get confused when you aren't wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and a ponytail.  
1511\. You have calluses from your band shoes (or really, really painful blisters)  
1512\. Strangely enough, you tend to forget about these blisters when you're marching  
1513\. People stop inviting you to things because they know it's marching season  
1514\. You say you're in pit around your parents' families and then you have to describe what that is.  
1515\. Your section leader is the biggest idiot you've ever met and you aren't afraid to let him know that  
1516\. You notice that people in pit are slimmer and more agile than a lot of the horn line (Which is because the pit is all DANCERS, with the exception of the male guitarist)  
1517\. Your shoulder pads from your jacket make an excellent pillow  
1518\. You have realized that your clarinet can double as two swords, a lightsaber (my new personal favorite), a gun, a flame thrower, a javelin, or a dart gun  
1519\. You freak out when your shako is perfectly straight  
1520\. Asking people 'Am I straight?' is perfectly normal, so then they can fix your hat (you know, that just made me realize how many times I've said that and never realized the slightly perverted meaning there)  
1521\. You think you're going deaf because the drill instructor beats the time so loudly and often next to your ear  
1522\. Your assistant director gives you permission to duck every time a saber almost hits your head.  
1523\. You're really pissed off when you find out that the drumline has different marching techniques than you do  
1524\. You know which way you're supposed to go while marching and go in the opposite.  
1525\. The trumpet players/trombones are called cream puffs.  
1526\. Your band director puts off surgery to be at the concert  
1527\. You have this really annoying habit of walking in step with person in front of/next to you wherever you are after the marching band season  
1528\. You're angry when you're center and you're supposed to be right and everyone next to you says to move up or back  
1529\. You're really upset when you're told you can't play any part of your show  
1530\. The saxes have a water gun fight  
1530\. You and a sax player run in the parking lot after each other with water bottles (after a day of band camp)  
1531\. You're stuck "warming up" in the parking lot at the beginning of practice before a competition and it starts to snow  
1532\. While learning a drill you're the only one in a row and your drill instructor tells you to move up about eight steps which puts you where the Color Guard equipment is (it didn't stay like that)  
1533\. You're sick of two people on either side of you that are constantly trying to decide who is center  
1534\. You think why don't I just be center because I am.  
1535\. You hate a marching band because they came marching onto the field like they are in the army  
1536\. When you finally hear the show you love it  
1537\. You sneeze into your instrument accidentally  
1538\. Your section is part of the "flubonet" section  
1539\. When your section leader yells "Clarinets Atten Hut!" you're the only one that yells "Hut"  
1540\. You have a mellophone section of two and when the section leader says that half of the section is missing the drum majors flip out.  
1541\. Your sibling keeps on humming one part in your show  
1542\. He does it really horribly  
1543\. You always want to use your clarinet as a weapons staff  
1544\. A section of the Marching Band almost gets hit in the head from the field goal football while warming up for half time  
1545\. You almost have pods in your show and one person starts planning a pod name and when to make T-shirts for your pod  
1546\. You count during stretches.  
1547\. You count in different languages  
1548\. Someone, instead of counting, yells "America"  
1549\. When your sister says she doesn't want to be a quad after reading an article about quadruplets, your mind still automatically jumps to the drummers and you get really confused  
1550\. In show band, the song 'Young &amp; American' becomes 'Young &amp; African' after the bass guitarist  
1551\. You know about all those issues that the teachers aren't supposed to discuss with students  
1552\. This time, it's about creating a 7-hour day with a mass study hall  
1553\. Which gets immediately shot down by the band, because with that set up, you can't take band, choir, and a foreign language  
1554\. Band turns into an open discussion/debate on the topic, and you end up not playing at all that day  
1555\. You've answered your band director's phone before  
1556\. During pep band, instead of playing Land of A Thousand on traditional drumline equipment, it gets done on timps, claves, and xylophone  
1557\. The drum major makes Bass 5 conduct Summertime Blues, and Bass 5 has never conducted a song in his life, nor does he have the least idea how to do so  
1558\. Instead of conducting he does the lasso and after awhile, just starts waving one hand carelessly while laughing hysterically  
1559\. As usual, the song goes fine, except for the part where the set player speeds up and slows down just to mind fuck Bass 5  
1560\. Your section leader withholds pep band books because the clarinet section is too lazy to get up and get them after the director announced she was doing chair auditions in a practice room, so the band was doing pep band  
1561\. The joke was on her, because you all had Land of A Thousand memorized  
1562\. Then your section leader convinces the drum major to play the impossible arrangement of 'The Star Spangled Banner' in your pep band books  
1563\. It doesn't actually sound that bad, except that it was in 3, with fermatas, and your drum major was conducting in 4  
1564\. The drum major decides to throw everybody (because we weren't listening) by just telling the set player you're doing Tequila and nobody else  
1565\. Then he just starts it, and you all have to catch on within 3 seconds, because that is when you yell Tequila!  
1566\. Your section leader actually got all like 12 or so clarinet books onto her one stand  
1567\. Chair auditions have been an excuse to create seating charts  
1568\. You can play half your chair audition song, but it's not a consecutive half  
1569\. You completely bombed your chair audition, but you don't actually care  
1570\. Bass 5 plays cowbell in of the snare's ears during a pep band song  
1571\. At the end of the song, the snare just takes it and whips it behind him  
1572\. The director spends 20 minutes during show band rehearsal making the set player play clicks  
1573\. Eventually, she decides she wants the clicks done on cowbell by the auxiliary percussion guy  
1574\. The auxiliary percussion guy doesn't actually have a stick for his cowbell (and you're kind of wondering how he's even getting through practice)  
1575\. When he announces this, everyone just stares at him until he gets uncomfortable and says "I'll be back."  
1576\. The auxiliary percussion guy has to play set because the actual set player decides to just not show up for practice  
1577\. About halfway through the show, the drumming suddenly gets a lot better and when it's over, you turn around to see the actual set player, who apparently forgot about practice  
1578\. One of the quads wears a fingerless glove and then inserts drumsticks into it, Wolverine-style  
1579\. Your dad suggests you apply at Pizza Hut, and in your head you're thinking No, because I don't want to spend more time with my section leader than I already do  
1580\. That kind of hot stereotypical guitar-playing hippie (who's actually also kind of a punk rocker and a very good artist)… yeah, he's in pit and looks just as stupid in uniform as everyone else  
1581\. Your section leader gets a T-Shirt with your clarinet cheer on it as her senior gift  
1582\. You get asked to play pep band at places  
1583\. Every day, you generally contemplate skipping band, and then never do  
1584\. The show band stands around for the first 20 minutes of every rehearsal  
1585\. When warming up for a concert, your middle school band director told you your sound was the best, which is funny, because you hadn't been paying attention, and therefore hadn't played the warm-up  
1586\. You remember in middle school, when you had band every other day, and you had to play your chair audition of one of your off days  
1587\. That also happened to be the day the high school drummers showed up, because they were helping the middle school drummers  
1588\. You waited for like half an hour for the director to show up so you could play, and were still waiting by yourself when the drummers came  
1589\. They all just kind of looked at you and finally one was like "What time does eighth grade band start?" and you're like "11:20." and he looks at the clock, which says 11:54, and then you just start laughing and clarify "Tomorrow."  
1590\. Nobody bothers to give or even write music for the bows in the show choir show  
1591\. You sit down next to one of the saxes and she gets all disappointed and says "Darn it, I can't touch you in a sexual manner."  
1592\. The other clarinet balls up all of her discarded music and tells the piano guy to throw it away for her, but he refuses until she tries to make it  
1593\. She drops it on the floor about 16 times and he finally gets mad enough, and takes the paper, stomps over to the trashcan, and whips it in at point-blank range (and misses)  
1594\. The librarian starts talking about unauthorized people being in certain areas of the school and you just roll your eyes, because that's basically the story of your life  
1595\. You can play the harp melodies on your one I Spy game for Wii without memorizing the pattern because the notes are written on a staff  
1596\. You play in stupid keys with 5 sharps or 5 flats  
1597\. One of the baritones tells a member of Executive Session to stop by the YTBN band practice, and when he does show up, the baritone just goes "When I said stop by, I didn't mean for you to do it!"  
1598\. The band director tells him to go check her email for her  
1599\. The show choir director has to stop practice because the band (including the director) got distracted making fun of weathermen and their guesswork and then applying it to other jobs, like doctors and pilots  
1600\. A few members of the band have a secret meeting at the public library and get all pissy when you walk in, and you're just kind of like "Maybe you should try having your meetings not in public places."

1601\. Half the band plays the melody… the other half doesn't… and the clarinets play a mixture which only sounds good when everyone plays  
1602\. You play on the off-beats, while everyone else plays on, and the only way you can keep yourself from playing on is to make sure you don't play when the snare does  
1603\. You have that one friend that practically lives at your house during marching band season  
1604\. Instead of playing pep band, the clarinets get to have a sectional to play the most impossible piece of music ever, 1812  
1605\. During that sectional, the River Arts Center calls and says that the show choir has to have all of their staging out by 1:00 and it's noon  
1606\. The rest of the band has to walk down there (it's attached to the high school) and grab all the staging and put it in the chorus room  
1607\. That happens to be where the clarinets are having their sectional, so every 5 seconds, people are carrying staging in  
1608\. This makes you feel mildly guilty that you are just sitting there playing the same 7 measures of this song over and over again while the rest of the band is doing heavy labor (well, actually it was mostly drummers and other guys)  
1609\. But at the same time it makes you happy, because they are all staring at the clarinets in envy  
1610\. Your section leader has to take over the sectional because of the staging emergency  
1611\. One of the third clarinets mentions that 2nd and 3rd clarinets have a different part from 1sts, and your section leader comes over and goes "No, it's the same thing."  
1612\. Then, you're playing and it becomes really obvious that they're different parts and the band director comes back and is like, those are different parts  
1613\. Your section leader actually glares down the 2nd and 3rd clarinets and says "Well, you could've told me"  
1614\. When walking out of the chorus room, you practically walk straight into that bass drummer who thought you had a crush on him, because he came around the corner with staging just as you reached the door  
1615\. It would've been really awkward, but at that moment, your friend's stand decides to suddenly slide out to full height  
1616\. Which causes her to almost drop it and then she knocks into you and then you're just like "That was pretty skilled" and in your head you are like Oh thank God, that was almost totally awkward  
1617\. You got second to last in your chair audition, and you don't even care, because you still play all the same parts as before  
1618\. The school is considering making your resource period in your new 7-hour day the hour for band  
1619\. Your woodwind sectional turns into another discussion of the 7-hour day  
1620\. The counselor once again suggests you drop band and you're just like No.  
1621\. Then they say if you just took one semeser, which you could potentially agree to, because you don't really like concert band all that much  
1622\. Then he says just second semester and you're like Um, fuck no, if I'm doing band, I'm doing marching band  
1623\. The staff shows you the new uniform you might get next year, and it's 20x better than the ones you have now  
1624\. Except that they zip up in the back  
1625\. They make one of the snares model it, because it's size Will (that's the snare drummer's name)  
1626\. You find out one of your non-band friends reads this list in an attempt to understand the things you talk about  
1627\. Your band final is pretty much your easiest final  
1628\. All you do is sight read, talk, take a survey, write two essays, "clean", and then talk some more  
1629\. Your band director hands out all the grading reminders for the semester  
1630\. Everyone freaks out because they haven't done any of the things and it's the second to last day of the semester.  
1631\. She promptly announces that no one will be failing band  
1632\. Two of the tubas get kicked out of class for talking  
1633\. One of the tubas creeper stares at you for about 3 minutes straight  
1634\. You actually brought a pencil to class  
1635\. None of the junk in your slot actually belongs to you  
1636\. You kind of wonder if the drumline is playing outside in the blizzard conditions, because they're really quiet  
1637\. And we all know quiet is not in a drummer's vocabulary or within their ability  
1638\. During your gym final, the quad player amuses himself with the drum set app on one of the girl's ipods for about an hour (and he doesn't even play drumset)  
1639\. You pretend not to know what happened to that annoying clarinet player's music  
1640\. You kind of zone out and miss 23 measures of a song (22 of which you didn't play)  
1641\. You skip all the hard parts in the song  
1642\. When the band falls apart and runs off a cliff and dies while playing, the director just keeps conducting, and you're just like Why?  
1643\. None of the junk in your slot actually belongs to you  
1644\. Walking down the hallway and screaming "I'm rooming with you in Florida!" is totally normal  
1645\. You write your essays on a stand that you are sharing with your clarinet friend who sits next to you  
1646\. Every five seconds the stand bends down and you have to push it up to keep writing  
1647\. You still play random parts from Havoc on occassion, just to intimidate the concert band freshmen  
1648\. There are approximately 3 people in your band who can play the entire chromatic scale  
1649\. The baritones get named the best sight reading section  
1650\. One of the saxophones points out that this is because their part is all whole and half notes.  
1651\. One of the YTBN show choir girls dropped out of the show choir to do the show band  
1652\. The show choir director thought she dropped out to join crew and move a chair off the stage  
1653\. They have to make an announcement that pep band is cancelled  
1654\. Every week, the drummers have to clean their area again, and you're really thinking that maybe they should just not throw everything everywhere  
1655\. Your director decrees that it is time to learn Beer Barrel Polka  
1656\. So you spend about 15 tortrous minutes running it into the ground  
1657\. This is partly because a giant cluster of drummers is just standing around the set, so the set player is really not paying attention and therefore not playing  
1658\. The director looks over at the percussion section just as one of the drummers throws a bunch of drum covers  
1659\. One of the drummers is wearing a cymbal like some type of weird hat (and you all know what kind of hats I'm talking about)  
1660\. Your clarinet tends to just break in half at inconvenient times… like when you're marching off the field  
1661\. You and your friend plan to start a movement on making men feel inferior… using a picture of one of the bass drummers  
1662\. You have a tuba closet in your band room  
1663\. Playing the Mew Mew song is wonderful for annoying your bipolar section leaders  
1664\. It's not the football field… it's the marching band field  
1665\. Football players don't wear protection for fear of being tackled… they wear it to protect themselves from flutes and colorguard members out to stab them  
1666\. On the other hand, you might be that person that is actually upset at bombing their chair auditions  
1667\. But you are not moving up or down in the band because of it  
1668\. There is only one person that plays a certain instrument, so when they say that they got first chair, you just kind of want to punch them  
1669\. None of the clarinets know what scale to play  
1670\. This one time, when you were playing scales, you were kind of staring off into space, and you happened to be staring at a percussionist  
1671\. He's all 'Obviously you were faking it, because you were staring at me'  
1672\. And you're like 'No, the point of scales is to have them memorized'  
1673\. You have friends who like to push all the different keys on your clarinet while you blow into it  
1674\. You remember one time your friend was doing it, but you got completely distracted, and so, about 3 minutes later, your friend taps you on the shoulder and is like "Um, yeah, you're still playing."  
1675\. Sometimes, for fun, the band runs around in the bandroom in the dark  
1676\. Which is made more hilarious by the fact that one of the cymbals steps on a stand that he knocked over before and it comes up and slams him in the face  
1677\. When your director says you can bring in your audition music with you, all of the clarinets share one piece of music that has the start and end note and all the sharps and flats listed  
1678\. All of your section still manages to bomb it anyway  
1679\. You try to find your marching show and add it on to Pandora  
1680\. There is always an annual "Guess Next Year's Show"  
1681\. No ever gets it right  
1682\. In order to be a good director, you must be insane  
1683\. One of your friends comes and sits in the clarinet section and proceeds to shake a maraca to the clarinet book's rhythms  
1684\. There's always that one guy who sells food to you during the hour you have Marching Band  
1685\. The visiting team's band plays a song your band knows… well, consider that challenge accepted.  
1686\. Your profile picture on Facebook is of you in your uniform with either your whole section or those few really good friends from random sections.  
1687\. When you actually do have free time, it's spent sleeping, eating, practicing your music, or doing homework.  
1688\. You're submitting things to this list  
1689\. Valve oil is a prized possesion  
1690\. Someone has said that you have a dent in your bell and it doesn't sound weird  
1691\. You have found more than one way to play the same note  
1692\. You laugh at people who puff their cheeks out while playing their instrument.  
1693\. You've noticed that your director wears the same tux every concert  
1694\. You have ever gotten your mouthpiece (brass) stuck.  
1695\. Drummers lean out of the window in the bandroom to catch snowflakes  
1696\. Every time a instrument gets dropped, everyone in his/her section slaps said the person who dropped the instrument.  
1697\. The band director told a drummer that he looked like he was jacking off while playing the triangle (You don't even know how much that just made my life.)  
1698\. In the middle of a show, at a competition, it started pouring so the flutes and clarinets shoved their instruments down their shirts  
1699\. You got blamed for the rain  
1700\. When straight lines are needed, perfect diagonals are made. When diagonals are needed, perfect straight lines are made.  
1701\. When the drum major yells "Band atten-hut!" A eighth grader thought we said "Hide!" So he ran and hid under the bleachers. (We say "Pride!")  
1702\. Each section of the band has their own stereotypes  
1703\. Section leaders give you push-ups just for the fun of it  
1704\. Band director makes us dance the cupid shuffle in the middle of a show  
1705\. Parades are fun until drummers decide they don't want to play any more (Which they stopped in the middle of a cadence.)  
1706\. One guy always yells "Right!" As loud as possible just to mess people up while marching.  
1707\. When the director asks the set player if he has a sense of humor, he plays that standard Ba-dum-Crash used in stupid comedy  
1708\. She tells him he has to make up a random, messed up, loud as hell drum part for one of the girl's solos  
1709\. He claims this will be easy, since he messes up all the time anyway  
1710\. So, instead of hearing Amazing Grace, you hear a bunch of God-awful drumming  
1711\. The entire room laughs harder at the drum solo that the drummer is making up on the spot than at the more artistically botched Amazing Grace solo that they've been working on for weeks  
1712\. The auxiliary percussion guy basically breaks his hand trying to play one of his instruments  
1713\. You have a plastic apple shaker that is consistently used as a maraca  
1714\. You discover that your music has an extra measure in it  
1715\. The show choir director yells at the band for starting, because the show choir added an extra part that the band didn't know about  
1716\. The clarinets still don't have music for the bows, and since they're all taken from the song Shine, that piece has the word 'bows' written over certain parts, with arrows connecting them  
1717\. You're pretty unrehearsed for the show you're playing on Saturday, but it's okay  
1718\. Your dress for show band is 'something dark'  
1719\. The first twenty minutes of show band consists of watching a trumpet player and the drum major's video (also starring one of the French horns) that they made for their AV class on the band room DVD player  
1720\. The video is called "A Lesson In Shotgun" and just happened to be shot in the band room  
1721\. The whole time you're watching this video, one of the drummers is giving lessons to a middle schooler on drum set, which sort of becomes the soundtrack for the movie  
1722\. When the drummer stops to come watch with you, you all kind of look around for a second, because the music is suddenly not playing in the background anymore  
1723\. You also manage to fit the baritone player and the tenor sax player into the lost and found garbage can in the band room  
1724\. The band gets really distracted by a discussion on proboscis (the things flies eat with) and the plural form of the word. (This, by the way, is officially proboscides, but can also be proboscises)  
1725\. You also find out that the show choir girls cut a random measure  
1726\. And that the bows music isn't long enough to get them offstage, so you have to play it twice, with a little drum solo in the middle  
1727\. That drum solo doesn't actually exist  
1728\. The band director tends to disappear randomly in the middle of practice  
1729\. Which means that the piano player is in charge, so he just yells instructions while he plays piano and the rest of the band just kind of follows along  
1730\. You skipped band, and the director didn't even notice you were gone, according to your saxophone friend  
1731\. Although you have a sneaking suspicion she did notice, and he just covered for you  
1732\. He comes out to lunch to tell you that you can take tomorrow off too  
1733\. When the schedule for sectionals says pep band music, it really means 'We're playing 1812'  
1734\. You have a sign on the bulletin board that says 'Yes, everyone's favorite: SIGHT READING'  
1735\. When the flutes don't know some high notes, one of the saxophone players screams "Learn them!"  
1736\. The show choir director asks for clicks on cowbell  
1737\. Instead she gets rim shots from the set player, and apparently she can't tell the difference  
1738\. The trombone player asks if the guys can wear pink ties for the show, and the guy in charge hears 'tank tops'  
1739\. This leads to a discussion about wifebeaters and how your hopelessly old show choir director would wonder what the hell those are  
1740\. Attending band also can mean walking into the room, putting a check mark next to your name on the attendance sheet, and leaving  
1741\. The show choir director says "We're starting at such and such a part" (she quoted a bunch of lyrics from the song Shine and I couldn't find the lyrics anywhere), and the piano player is just like "We don't take cues like that back here"  
1742\. You kind of just don't show up to help with staging, because you are rather useless at it  
1743\. "Everyone in show choir that's in band please report to the gym immediately" is pretty much all you hear over the intercom on the day before the Invitational  
1744\. Being late is being on time, being on time is being early, and being early doesn't actually exist  
1745\. About every two weeks, the director will have this story that starts with "So we had a great marching band staff meeting last night…." And all of the concert banders will all sigh and tune out  
1746\. During the song 'Nerves', the band plays about 10 notes, with about 10 measures of rest in between each one  
1747\. Most of the band manages to miss the 10 notes that you do play  
1748\. If you are accomplishing something in band… then something is seriously wrong  
1749\. You still don't know what time you have to report for performance 12 hours before a show  
1750\. You have realized that if you're going to run into someone in the hallway any time of the day, there is a 95% chance it will be a band student  
1751\. Bass 5 is forced to hold the door for you because you get to the door at about the same time and both of you can feel your mother staring the two of you down  
1752\. The Executive Session drum set player's music from last year's show choir show is still sitting on the platform you keep the set on  
1753\. You always keep the drum set on the platform with wheels to move it easier  
1754\. Except, of course, when you carry it up stairs, in which case it will be carried one piece at a time, regardless of the size and weight of the piece  
1755\. It is not uncommon for the person next to you to stutter-step to get in step with you  
1756\. One of your favorite band stories is the one about the time one of the drummers was at a party, and these two guys were going on about how they had moved from heavy metal garage band to heavy metal garage band, and the drummer just chimes in with "Yeah, so I'm in marching band…"  
1757\. One of your favorite fun facts is that Ke$ha was in a marching band  
1758\. You dropped out of drama to do show band  
1759\. You know the only way to be a freshmen in Executive Session is to join the band  
1760\. You are desperate for last year's show video to come out  
1761\. After you graduate, you either come back randomly to play with the band or you become a marching band staff assistant volunteer  
1762\. You have a Facebook page for all the inappropriate things your director has done or said  
1763\. He knows about it and doesn't care  
1764\. You feel free to jack any random object you need from the band office  
1765\. Every single person in the color guard played an instrument before they joined the guard  
1766\. You are at the school from 6 in the morning until after midnight  
1767\. Even though you aren't hosting a group, and so aren't in charge of a room, you may as well be, because all the hosts keep ditching their rooms  
1768\. You talk to random people that you don't even know, and will never see again, like you are the best of friends  
1769\. Everyone you talk to has pretty much all the same ideas of show choir, show band, and marching band as you  
1770\. You get asked to escort a saxophone to the warm up area, when you don't really know exactly which room was designated as the warm up room  
1771\. You take him to the chorus room and tell him if that's not it, he's screwed  
1772\. You can play when you are sitting at the back of the stage, with your stand practically falling over because of the vibrations from the dancers on the risers  
1773\. You get to help people find places in the school on the map that no one from your school can actually read  
1774\. Some guy convinces you and one of the baritone players from the YTBN show band to come watch Good Time Company perform with him  
1775\. You pretend to be from Iowa City West, faking all their chants, because you are sitting in the section reserved for people from the performing school  
1776\. Everyone asks which show choir you are in, and you always absently correct "Show band" before adding "YTBN"  
1777\. Your phone, which never rings, rings during warm ups when it is supposed to be absolutely silent  
1778\. Everyone looks at the auxiliary percussion guy first, though  
1779\. During the Amazing Grace solo, you can't even hear the soloist over the drummer  
1780\. When the solo is over, the drummer stands up all "What now, bitches?"  
1781\. In performance, you are set up right next to the drum set player  
1782\. You are the only person in your row who doesn't cover their ears during the drum solo  
1783\. As a 'social experiment' you and one of your friends in Executive Session throw a quarter down the hallway and see how people react  
1784\. A bunch of people keep disappearing inside one of the rooms, but they never come out  
1785\. One of the girls calls the hosts of the room and says "Hey, your door is on fire. One of the electric lights burned out and created a spark and it started the paper on fire."  
1786\. There is a door decorating contest for each show choir's room (and your unofficial door unofficially wins, since it has a nickel-and-dime moon, and the judges never showed up because they were all out drinking)  
1787\. The YTBN girls are all curling hair, and you're like "Lucky you're not doing my hair; it doesn't curl." and one of the girls grabs a strand of your hair and curls it, so you rock that look for a few hours  
1788\. Then a couple hours later, she does the rest of it, so even more people assume you are in the show choir  
1789\. One of the women sitting next to you when you are pretending to be from Iowa City West asks you if the stage looks small, and you're like "Considering we put it up in one day, I think it's pretty impressive"  
1790\. You tend to scrutinize the bands more than the show choirs  
1791\. Bass 5, all cocky and above everyone, is pretty fucking hilarious doing high kicks in a gold tuxedo with glitter lapels and matching hat  
1792\. Bass 2, Mr. Marines tough man, is also pretty great in that outfit, and it it just fuels the fire that he's so far in the closet, he's in Narnia  
1793\. The back of your shirt says "I'm With The Band"  
1794\. You never get checked for a wrist band or to see if you're actually allowed to be where you are  
1795\. No Admittance (on the warm up area door) really means "Don't come in if you aren't from our school or the performing school"  
1796\. You actually get excited when the director tells you you will have to wear your marching band shoes for show band performances  
1797\. You know first hand how everyone in the Executive Session looks in their underwear  
1798\. You are actually excited for the 26-hour bus ride to Florida  
1799\. In the middle of the show, one of the baritones crouch runs down the aisle behind the bleachers to carry one of the girls on stage  
1800\. You break your reed in half about 15 seconds before you go on, and you and the other clarinet have to run all the way back to the band room and dig through the director's office to find another one

1801\. Listening to drummers playing actually cures your headache instead of giving you one  
1802\. At every show choir competition you go to, you have twice as much time to kill as the people in the show choir  
1803\. Which gives you time for other important things, such as stalking one of Mayville's soloists so you can get a picture of his butt. (Which, actually, hasn't worked out yet…)  
1804\. Or texting Bass 2 creeper messages, because you got a new phone number, so he doesn't know it's you  
1805\. Everyone wants to be in Executive Session's band after awards, because they won best band  
1806\. The Best Band trophy is larger than the third place trophy the show choir won  
1807\. Critique doesn't exist for you  
1808\. The entire YTBN band seriously considers squishing into one of the large wooden cabinets lining the hallway so you can skip critique (which is basically sitting there doing nothing for half an hour)  
1809\. You get to wait in line for 210 hours to get your picture taken, because band and crew is last  
1810\. You sit in the middle of another school's section during awards, so you can cheer for your school and look like someone from their school is cheering for your school  
1811\. Which comes in handy, because YTBN wins 1st place in Class A, Middle Level Motion wins first in the middle school division, Executive Session wins 3rd in finals, and their band wins Best Band  
1812\. 1812 is never going to get good, because your director keeps skipping the hard parts  
1813\. Your band director breaks into New London's band room, because the warm up area has no stands  
1814\. So you all warm up for like ten minutes in there, and then carry a bunch of stands across the hall to the warm up area  
1815\. As far as you know, their band room is still short 15 stands  
1816\. You get backstage, and the announcer is like "Oh, yeah, you're Sauk Prairie. I recognize you, because you always have the biggest bands."  
1817\. When you get to the school late in the morning of the New London invitational, (6:10 instead of 5:30, with the bus leaving at 6:30) it takes you 5 minutes to get all checked in and situated on the bus  
1818\. You get two seats, one for you, and one to store your instrument  
1819\. Which translates to both seats for you, because your clarinet definitely fits under the seat of the coach bus  
1820\. The most annoying part of the day is having to pack and unpack and repack your clarinet 15 times  
1821\. You automatically don't like New London's middle school, because they have no band  
1822\. It turns out they're pretty bad anyway, except for one song  
1823\. You can forget that you have to go to the bathroom (which is a really, really nice ability)  
1824\. When you have free time in the winter, you join Executive Session's show band  
1825\. You've still got free time after that, so you join YTBN's show bnad  
1826\. If, after this, you've still got free time, do Honors Band  
1827\. And Solo-Ensemble  
1828\. And jazz band  
1829\. And winter drumline  
1830\. And then learn a new instrument  
1831\. After you've done all that, over acheivers may want to consider trying out for drum major  
1832\. Unless, of course, you're a senior. Then you may want to start getting ready to take over as director  
1833\. Above all, though, you are in marching band  
1834\. Still feeling like you have too much free time? Mentor a middle schooler  
1835\. The state champion drumline cannot figure out that Summertime Blues (a song we play every time we do pep band) does not start with a roll-off, but with a drum solo  
1836\. Which, of course, may have been because the same guy always plays it, and he was gone, but that's not really an excuse  
1837\. There is a not posted on the bandroom door that says "Dear Band, you are no longer allowed to put drumsticks in the door (Relayed from higher management). Thank you, middle management."  
1838\. You recognize the drum part to On Broadway after only hearing it once  
1839\. There's a notice written on the chalkboard that says "Cut #21-28"  
1840\. Everyone knows what song it belongs to  
1841\. Except the saxophones, who actually happen to have a part there, and so always play half a measure before remembering the cut  
1842\. You know so many songs from different Broadway musicals  
1843\. You convince your friend to come to the Monona Grove Silverstage Invitational just so she can see this hippie  
1844\. You have to explain the basics of show choir to people from Monona Grove  
1845\. You get asked where things are in the school, even though you don't go there  
1846\. One of the drummers breaks the staircase to the stage while setting up  
1847\. The bands are the unsung heroes of the show choir  
1848\. The drummer is the smartest person in the show choir… not really, but he IS your lifeline  
1849\. The woodwinds are playing too loudly  
1850\. The show band will have a long, involved discussion on which instruments should be cut from a marching band (which basically means baritone)  
1851\. It's Manana Grove, not Monona Grove  
1852\. You actually manage to get a picture of that Mayville Hippie… by totally embarassing your friend and screaming "OH MY GOD! YOU! YES YOU! I NEED YOUR PICTURE!" (and then you proceed to accidentally take a video and a blurry picture before you finally get a decent one. And it wasn't of his butt, which is okay, because that part of the story died about 3 days after it started)  
1853\. One of your friends has friends that live in Monona Grove and she convinces some of them to join you at the show choir competition  
1854\. One of them leaves a message on Bass 2's voicemail saying that they are Jimmy and they want to meet up after competition  
1855\. Bass 2 calls you back just as you're going into watch a show, so you're just like "Can't talk, call you later." and then never actually do  
1856\. At least, not until after he texts you, and you call him and say you are in the hallway  
1857\. He comes out into the hallway and doesn't see you  
1858\. He finally finds you on the third call of this type, even though you were standing just oustside the room all three times you called  
1859\. The fire alarm goes off, so you get to go outside and then go back in, and then actually go outside for like half an hour in the freezing cold  
1860\. Your contest music gets stuck in your head and, for the life of you, you can't get it to go away!  
1861\. During Homecoming week one of the dress-up themes is Superheroes. You and your best friend dress up as "Woodwind Woman" and "Brass Babe": the superheroes of band class!  
1862\. The only reason you go to sporting events is because you want to play with the pep band.  
1863\. You almost run over one of the field judges at a marching competition because she's in your way and you refuse to go around (so glad we don't have field judges)  
1864\. You have better muscles than the football team from glide-stepping so much and being forced to have good posture while holding an instrument at the correct angle.  
1865\. You have to cram your entire 80-piece band onto one bus because the second one never showed up. And somehow you make it work and make it back to the school without anyone dying…  
1866\. You hate band substitutes  
1867\. Except for the one who drew the cartoon of the police officer and a man with a quarter rest on his head (Caption: Stop! You're under a rest! hahaha get it?)  
1868\. You love your director  
1869\. You have to play tenor clef so you go home and print out the sheet with the notes in bass clef that you composed  
1870\. When someone asks what you play in band you respond with "Which one?"  
1871\. All drummers are gay since they all bang on drums and have sticks in close proximity to their asses because they put and/or want them there  
1872\. You talk your friend in Wisconsin into coming to a band camp in Ohio, saying they can live in your basement  
1873\. They are completely fine with that  
1874\. Making cookies for the whole marching band takes three people four days to make, and in the end, people don't even say thank you.  
1875\. You talk to your student teacher on Facebook, knows where they work on weekends, and about everything else about them.  
1876\. You have a shirt that says, "Marching Band: The reason they invented football."  
1877\. You have a necklace that you had specially made to say "Band" with a heart.  
1878\. When your math teacher says "No one can work in this loud environment" (everyone is talking in a normal voice range) you laugh under your breath and say "I've done math homework in the band room before marching practice, try doing THAT".  
1879\. When you go for scheduling with guidance and your guidance counsler says "So your're doing guard again next year.", just like it is a fact, not a question(which it is not a question to start with)  
1880\. When you are early you are on time when you are on time you are late and when you are late you are dead  
1881\. When your staff is happy you are happy because then they don't yell at you for doing the work they wrote correctly and then proceeed to change it again  
1882\. You have electrical tape and a screw driver in your bag and it isn't wierd  
1883\. You walk into the band room to someone changing in the middle of the room and it is completely normal and it doesn't faze you any more  
1884\. You ask your friend "Why am I friends with you?" and they say "Because I'm in band."  
1885\. You can't argue with that logic because it's true.  
1886\. Your friends tell you they're coming to the football game, and you angrily correct them. "IT's a BAND game. We all know you don't come to watch the football."  
1887\. Your director walks out of the room while you're playing, and that's the first time you manage to make it to the end of the song perfectly.  
1888\. Your lunch table comprises only of band people and a VERY few select others  
1889\. Therefore, you call your table "the island of misfit nerds"  
1890\. Nobody is quite sure how you pack so many people into one table, so you tell them "We're practicing for packing into the bleachers at a game."  
1891\. You have been told that when the band people have a show, the school is about 10x quieter.  
1892\. Your band director has promised to be 28% nicer.  
1893\. You know that'll never happen.  
1894\. You and your band (only) friends start singing last year's show.  
1895\. And realize that band is for the musically gifted who CAN'T sing.  
1896\. Now you understand this is why you joined band in the first place.  
1897\. When one freshman says they'll bring cookies for everyone, you say "They are a bunch of hungry people. You can't make that many cookies." They nod, and you correct "No, a bunch of hungry BAND KIDS!"  
1898\. And they start to rethink making cookies.  
1899\. But they do it anyway.  
1900\. And man, those cookies were GOOD!  
1901\. Your (only) non-band friend doesn't know who you're talking about, you say "They're in band." and your(only) non-band friend says "Oh! That makes sense, then."  
1902\. You are currently laughing so incredibly hard because FANFICTION HAS A BAND SECTION!  
1903\. You know that anyone in band is the coolest person ever  
1904\. You know that Lily the Amazing Evans (the person who sent this review) is the coolest person ever because she is in band!(I'm not saying I actually LIKE everyone in band… but I've never met you, so I couldn't say.)  
1905\. Virtually any male (attractive or unattractive) could strip and change their entire outfit in front if you and you would not even bat an eye.  
1906\. You are convinced that your band director is God and controls the weather because the storm will rain on the surrounding area and EVERYWHERE BUT THE FIELD.  
1907\. The moment you step away from said field you are drenched in water.  
1908\. When you step back onto the field the rain goes away.  
1909\. IT WILL NEVER RAIN ON A PRACTICE DAY. EVER.  
1910\. Each time the idiotic band boys knock down a trophy (or two) your band director shrugs and says "We will get 5 or more next year anyway."  
1911\. What football team? We have a football team? Since when? (It's that group of guys who provide a sort of 'entertainment' while everybody waits for th band to perform)  
1912\. Everyone in the school knows the band is awesome, but do they mention the band on the announcments? No.  
1913\. You can strip naked and dress in an entirely different outfit in less than a minute and not one of the 45 people on your bus noticed.  
1914\. What is this sleep you speak of?  
1915\. You have played the concert without an octave key intact, and played a high A without squeaking becuase you know your instrument so well  
1916\. Your band director has to revert to normal talking because he is used to random quotes  
1917\. Your band director has a page on Facebook for all of his amazing quotes. (no joke…look up Mr. Anderson's quotes)  
1918\. One of the drumline figured out all of the parts for Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO and now we play it in pep band.  
1919\. You have walked from band to church, and had everyone asking why you were panting and late…they didnt believe you untill they saw the rest of the band.  
1920\. You have looked up every single person in a show choir until you found the one you were looking for  
1921\. And then you friend requested them  
1922\. And they accepted, which made your entire life and afterlife  
1923\. Your State Champion drumline just can't seem to get it up (the pace - which doesn't sound too much better, actually. But, every song is much too slow)  
1924\. You actually made it through Beer Barrel Polka without dying  
1925\. Your drummers are dropping like flies  
1926\. And since the head is gone in Turkey, the second-in-command takes over  
1927\. He is banished from the drumline section for the week  
1928\. Except when he stands up from reclining in his chair and makes motions at the drummers to pick up the pace - which they do for about 5 seconds, and then drop it again  
1929\. One of the drummers plays with his eyes closed and brags about it  
1930\. It's the most epic fail you've heard in your life, because he plays the freaking bass drum  
1931\. During show band, they attempt a cut during the Amazing Grace/drum solo, but they end up having to trainwreck through it, because the drummer can't hear them and is playing with his eyes shut  
1932\. The guitarist has to take over a few songs on auxiliary percussion, because the auxiliary percussion guy has to find a better stick  
1933\. You and your friend are flicking water at each other in the bathroom, because they ran out of paper towels, and you leave with your hands still dripping wet, and your friend says she hasn't done that in a million years, and you're like I used to do it all the time, like-*proceeds to flick some random guy walking by in the face with water*-that, and he gives you this really weird look  
1934\. Executive Session's band wins best band again  
1935\. The morning of the Holmen Invitational, your band director gets angry, stomps off the bus, and refuses to go to the competition  
1936\. Also, Executive Session's drummer and two guitarists are left behind in the parking lot  
1937\. The second bus circles back to get both them and your band director  
1938\. You buy a button that says I Am NOT Obsessed (With a certain Show Choir)  
1939\. You eat way too much  
1940\. You do random math worksheets in your homeroom because you are so bored (The teacher just had all the homework in file folders taped to the side of a filing cabinet, so you did them)  
1941\. During finals, your band director decides she wants to watch Executive Session perform, so the band performs without a director  
1942\. In the solo competition, the people from your school get first and second in the women's division, and second in the women's division  
1943\. When they announce the winners, so they can come up and sing their solos before awards, this catches your first place winner off guard, because nobody told her about it  
1944\. She just walks up to the stage in her T-shirt and jeans, looking shocked  
1945\. You have never seen your piano player run so fast in your life when he ran to get his music for her solo.  
1946\. Your Band Director was banned from doing squats after his pants ripped and everyone saw his Batman boxers  
1947\. You know that the Band Director that looks scary is just a teddy bear, even though non-band people disagree  
1948\. Band is life  
1949\. You have a band Family Tree and actually keep track. (Next year I'm adopting a future freshman.)  
1950\. You get pissed when someone calls a trombone a guy instrument, since you can play better than half of the males.  
1951\. Also, vice versa with flutes and guys  
1952\. You sing your show music on the way home from a band trip  
1953\. Saying, "Unzip me." Is not dirty at all  
1954\. Announcing that you're going to strip isn't odd either  
1955\. You're annoyed when someone thinks you're color guard. (Is it hard to believe that there can be a third group?)  
1956\. Ever since Finals at Indianapolis, your director has greeted you as "Grand National Finalists."  
1957\. There's that one band that no one likes except their parents  
1958\. At the State competition, you got a standing ovation before the show was over. The rival band (above) got a few claps a minute after the abrupt end  
1959\. Your friends plan your Senior prank as all the band kids start playing the School Song at once randomly  
1960\. The littlest eighth grade drummer girls manages to get her part memorized before the rest of the band  
1961\. The flutes and clarinets manage to pull a memorized version of On Broadway out of their asses when the director makes us play off  
1962\. During show band, you are now required to cheer and whistle and clap for the drummer's Amazing Grace part  
1963\. You kind of start to realize while watching West Side Story during English, and everyone else is complaining about the singing, that you really like musicals  
1964\. You have to walk from the RAC to the bandroom just so you can get some stupid chairs  
1965\. This is because you aren't allowed to use stools  
1966\. When someone asks you if doing all these marching band and show choirs shows is fun, you just give them a disbelieving stare until they get uncomfortable and walk away/change the subject  
1967\. At the end of practice, one of the baritones asks "Hey, what about putting away the chairs?"  
1968\. The rest of the showband runs like hell to avoid having to carry all the chairs back to the bandroom  
1969\. So, yeah, you are totally going to host a certain show choir next year…  
1970\. When you bought those buttons, the lady thought you were joking  
1971\. You spend about 20 minutes threatening to throw stress balls at guys with attractive hair  
1972\. You even make up a conversation starter about his attractive hair. It goes like this: "Hey, you! Yeah, you! With the attractive hair! Especially compared to the semi-bald overweight man next to you!"  
1973\. You don't even feel bad when your friend grabs your phone and texts a random contact in your phone at 5:30 in the morning  
1974\. The funny thing is, the guy texts back immediately  
1975\. Your director reserves 40 minutes for the show bands to learn a song for 9th Street Revue  
1976\. You learn the song in 10  
1977\. The first night of 9th Street, 5th bass miscounts the number of chairs you needed, so you get to perform without a chair (awkward clarinet in the front row standing up)  
1978\. You aren't even embarrassed  
1979\. You stand backstage and parody everything the actors do  
1980\. You hang out up in the spotlight booth where you're not supposed to be  
1981\. After they collect all the show choir and marching band trophies that the music department has won under the direction of your band directors, they take up the whole stage  
1982\. You get to show up an hour early for each show, but you don't get ready until 20 minutes after the show actually starts  
1983\. You watch Viburnum, the indie-rock band, perform in tuxes  
1984\. You run into guys in dress clothes and guyliner at the movie theater and it's perfectly normal  
1985\. The band members fake kill each other with stands and chairs backstage  
1986\. One of the guitar players pretty much kills himself on the pole holding up the Exec curtains backstage  
1987\. You do yoga breathing exercises for at least half an hour during practice  
1988\. The bitch that was making noise complaints before comes back with the cops AGAIN. And your band director pretty much tells them off, except that you have to stay inside for the rest of the night (like 20 minutes)  
1989\. The thing that made your life though were these two things: 1. When the cops pull up, one of the snare drummers is hanging 20 feet off the ground holding onto a tree branch with his shirt pulled up and  
1990.2. The same snare drummer's super obvious run by of the cop car to see if the lady was in it and when he came back, the way he said super obviously "Yep, she's in there!"  
1991\. The choreography the clarinets have is pretty legit  
1992\. You realize you are skilled when you can march a mile in flip flops  
1993\. You the show choir takes 2 buses, and the marching band takes 2 buses, then it stands to reason that when we go on a trip together, we take 3 buses  
1994\. You can march in step to On Broadway, during the choreography, even when you are playing some completely random part that means nothing  
1995\. You and one of the other clarinet players get into a super long discussion over which member of your marching staff is hottest while you are supposed to be yoga breathing  
1996\. If you are trying to avoid something, like warmup, it will take you 20 minutes to get your uniform perfect  
1997\. If you're in a hurry, like you're about to be late for a competition, it takes about 30 seconds  
1998\. You are fairly certain you left your marching band shoes in Monona Grove  
1999\. You hate every one from Waukesha North on principle  
2000\. You are counting down the days until you leave for Orlando for the marching band/show choir trip! (IT'S 14!)

2001\. If you ask for 115 reviews and you actually get people who review multiple times until you get to 120  
2002\. You sit on a bus for 26 hours and actually kind of enjoy it  
2003\. Sleep? On a bus? Mom, you must be joking…  
2004\. The whole way there, you don't use the bathroom on the bus  
2005\. You are in Illinois the ENTIRE FREAKING DAY  
2006\. You go to 'bed' at 1, wake up at 6:30 and you are in Georgia. And when you went to bed you were in Illinois  
2007\. You performed at the Hard Rock Theater  
2008\. And in Universal Studios  
2009\. You've been to backstage Universal (and you're not missing anything if you haven't been, it's completely junky and boring)  
2010\. You, one of your drumline friends, and two of your colorguard friends decide to take a trip to the BP gas station when you stop  
2011\. First, you walk through the marijuana field outside of the Mexican restaurant  
2012\. Second, you see people in suits and nice cars outside of BP and one of your friends says "They're either drug dealers or doctors."  
2013\. You go into the BP and it is 4 rows of booze, some cigarettes, some sketch looking candy, and pornos.  
2014\. Also, it is connected to a Chinese restaurant and the guy behind the counter is laying there, and you're pretty sure he's drugged up  
2015\. You casually leave and the clerk (creepy man) says "Have a nice night"  
2016\. You ride the elevator at the hotel for about 3 hours  
2017\. You make friends with some people from Puerto Rico (they're in another show choir) and ride the elevator with them  
2018\. You actually yell down the line to a guy standing in line beneath (yes, beneath) you to point out that his band shirt that says 'Eat. Sleep. Play' is inaccurate.  
2019\. He just kind of gives you this look when you say that he should definitely have the 'Sleep' portion removed from the shirt that kind of tells you he's not hardcore band  
2020\. Even if the other band has really fancy uniforms, you are still better than them on principle  
2021\. Turns out, they suck major ass at marching  
2022\. They keep giving your band weird looks across the field where you are warming up, probably because your band currently does not have on hats or jackets and we're all just standing around  
2023\. Of course, half of your band is staring them down  
2024\. You get to be part of the unnatural growth on the warm up circle because one of the bass drummers refuses to move  
2025\. You got your marching band DVD! (that deserved like 599 more exclamation points than Fanfiction allows)  
2026\. You are not afraid to change into your swimsuit on a bus with 50 other people  
2027\. Of course, while you are doing this, Bass 2 decides it is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL to strike up a conversation with you  
2028\. You then hang garment bags in front of your seat  
2029\. When you get done changing, Bass 2 asks if your new underwear is leopard-print as well  
2030\. To which you reply, 'No, it's my swimsuit. Wanna see?' and he says 'Sure, I've never seen you in a swimsuit before.' and you're like, 'Wait until we go to the beach.'  
2031\. It takes you like 8 minutes to change because you were wearing black wool uniforms in 90 degree weather and 100% humidity  
2032\. It gives you extreme chills when you watch videos of your show  
2033\. You realize just how shitty Whitewater's video recording quality is  
2034\. You have like 20 people that run along side your band to take pictures and video during parades  
2035\. Every time you watch that tape of your concert, you can still distinguish those two missing beats from the bass drum line in the beginning, because Bass 2 was sick  
2036\. There was that one competition where EVERY SINGLE GUARD MEMBER managed to drop their rifle on this one move… except ONE.  
2037\. She gets ridiculed forever after because it would've looked so much better if she'd dropped hers like everyone else and it would've like it was supposed to happen  
2038\. One of your favorite clips in the video that one of the staff makes every year is the one where everyone is supposed to be look nostalgic, wistful, and dreamy, and the drumline is in the background looking confused  
2039\. And the one of Bass 2 looking warily at the camera while chewing gum on the field…  
2040\. Or the one where Bass 4 actually knows what he's doing and isn't 2 steps behind everyone else  
2041\. You realize that while you are obsessed with watching Mayville's show choir, what you really want is their show band because you love the music  
2042\. You also like that video clip that shows a scatter, but since it's practice, everyone is just walking moderately fast instead of running  
2043\. You still remember, 6 months later, the feeling of running in a crouch after Schism (the terror was very REAL, even if there was nothing chasing you)  
2044\. You know your drum major's father, and pretty much his whole family for that matter.  
2045\. You hope to heaven this one person doesn't make drum major next year, because if you both do, you're going to kill each other.  
2046\. Most conversations revolve around "Remember that competition," or "This one time at band camp,"  
2047\. You're counting down to band camp(when it's December and band camp is in July)  
2048\. You're looking forward to the Sauk Invitational next year (which has more to do with "accidentally" hitting someone in the face with a pair of stilettos than with anything music related)  
2049\. You ask your director if you can take your pants off and a guy walking by says 'Hell, yeah, you can take your pants off!'  
2050\. The band has their own building (#jealous)  
2051\. At the lunch table, your two non-band friends complain that whenever you're gone, they only have the other person.  
2052\. There are almost casualties as the sign-up lists for pep band games, room lists, or bus charts.  
2053\. People call you band geeks, and that's a term of respect.  
2054\. You can stay as still as a statue for over ten minutes while your director is talking to your choreographer and never said, "Relax."  
2055\. You do dance sequences in your band show.  
2056\. There is never soap in your house. (My band uses soap on the practice field to mark our sets while we learn them.)  
2057\. Your friend told you about the marching band section, and you thought she was kidding.  
2058\. You know about two hundred peoples' names because they're band members.  
2059\. You plan out band trips weeks beforehand.  
2060\. If a burglar snuck into your house and for whatever reason said, "Band, horns up!" You'd instantly sit up, hands in set, yelling, "Up!", therefore scaring the pee out of him so he'd run.  
2061\. You often consider yelling things like 'Band-Atten Hut!' or 'Again, Step, Kick, Kick, Leap, Kick, Touch!' at marching band or Exec members  
2062\. The rifle man of the 402 drumline is your god.  
2063\. And he's a sexy man too.  
2064\. Your choreographer works with a high school and a college guard.  
2065\. he only differences between these two guards are age, school, class competing in, and uniform.  
2066\. Oh, and the college has a girl who tosses a nine on her rifle  
2067\. You can't wait for DCI because one of the shows is at your school.  
2068\. And the Blue Devils stay at your school.  
2069\. It's been that way for three years now.  
2070\. But we've hosted the show for 4.  
2071\. And we're the only school in the midwest that does.  
2072\. You and your friends spend all day watching the Blue Devils rehearse. (since they're at the school anyways.)  
2073\. That's when you get the brilliant idea to write your own marching show.  
2074\. You haven't ever mentioned the Hippie's name on this list, but you realize you are still doing a really shitty job of concealing his identity and he is probably going to be forced to change his name to avoid creepy stalkers  
2075\. Sleeping inside of the sousaphone case is perfectly normal  
2076\. People have noted you doing homework and asked if they should be quieter. You say "I'm in band"  
2077\. This explains a lot.  
2078\. You point out that small instruments are deadly  
2079\. And you are thoroughly willing to prove that point  
2080\. Anything that the flute section doesn't know, isn't worth knowing (FALSE.)  
2081\. Most of the things that flute sections knows aren't worth knowing  
2082\. You get to drive around for an hour looking for the Hard Rock Cafe and it's only like 2 minutes from your hotel  
2083\. But the staff directing the bus drivers aren't the smartest people on the planet  
2084\. You walk all the way to Universal from your hotel with your guard friend (the one that didn't drop her rifle, coincidentally), a trumpet player, and a trombone player  
2085\. Even though it turns out none of you know where you are going, you eventually get there  
2086\. After the trumpet player leaves, you hang out awkwardly with the trombone player (you aren't friends, you only walked with them because you didn't know where you were going)  
2087\. EVERY SINGLE PHOTOGRAPHER IN UNIVERSAL flags you down and follows you and tries to convince the three of you to get your picture taken  
2088\. That would be the most awkward picture ever, captioned with 'The time we got lost in Universal and we couldn't find our friends and neither could Nathan, so were just walking around with him'  
2089\. You get a review that says 'I hope you continue to have no life so I can continue reading the harsh truth about myself.'  
2090\. You find this flattering  
2091\. You could see Harry Potter World from your hotel room  
2092\. You're now almost positive you left your band shoes in Monona Grove  
2093\. When the bus takes the YTBN girls back to the conference center to change and no one is allowed to go to their rooms because of time constraints, you get to go to your room  
2094\. Backstage Hard Rock Theater is super awesome, super crowded, and super hot  
2095\. You wonder if it would kill your mother to be quiet for like 17 minutes so you can record your marching band show onto your iPod.  
2096\. Also, would it kill her to be quiet for an additional 20 minutes so you can record Mayville's show in it's entirety?  
2097\. It turns out your entire band and show choir are Potterheads  
2098\. You make random freshmen move so you can sit in the Slytherin section on the bus  
2099\. Wait, we're not supposed to run through the ball room that connects the hotel to the conference center? Whatever, doing it anyway. Even if there are 200 math nerds in there right now  
2100\. Balloons! Let's take them from the ball room!  
2101\. You spend way too much money when you don't have parental supervision for a week  
2102\. One of the chaperones just won't leave you alone until you eat a freaking oatmeal raisin cookie  
2103\. The most ironic thing ever is that the song they play repeatedly in Land of the Lost is 'I Hope I Get It' from A Chorus Line, and that was Exec's show this year  
2104\. You laugh for 20 minutes at 3 in the morning about the phrase 'Have fun being gay at your school shaped like a penis.'  
2105\. You lock one of your friends out of your hotel room on purpose (Locking the door renders the keycard useless)  
2106\. One of other friends finally lets her in after she's been pounding on the door for about 3 minutes (and a ton of people in the hallway give her weird looks)  
2107\. A couple of your friends not rooming with you knock on the door a few minutes later and your friend who was locked out jumps up, sprints over to the door and locks it, screaming 'TRY AND GET IN THE ROOM NOW BITCHES!', thinking it's your other two roommates who left. In reality, it's two of your friends who aren't in your room, and therefore, don't have keycards to open the door anyway  
2108\. You offer chocolate to random people on the elevator with you (while you rode the elevator for hours)  
2109\. Your best response was from Bass 4, who claimed he 'Has to watch his figure', to which you reply 'Oh, of course.' and he's like 'Glad you understand.' and you say 'You're like the skinniest person I know'  
2110\. A close second was the bellhop who said 'I don't accept candy from strangers'  
2111\. You and your friend both forget your keycards and have to go to the front desk, where it turns out neither of you have a photo ID either, until your friend suddenly remembers that she has her learner's permit still in her bag  
2112\. Your band director plans to shoot off a gun when the band plays 1812 Overture  
2113\. This doesn't work out, but if you live in Wisconsin, you could probably find the article in one of last week's Wisconsin State Journals… or look online, I don't know  
2114\. You find out that for the 5-12 mass concert, you're playing Starwars music… that isn't actually Stawars music… so you're kind of curious about getting that piece of music  
2115\. They cut everyone's favorite part, Section 20, from 1812 Overture  
2116\. Somewhere along the line, you got 4 pairs of band shoes in your band slot… and only three people use it… and your shoes and one of your slotmates shoes are both at home (or, in my case, you know, the borrowed ones)  
2117\. At the 4th grade concert, you find that after hours and hours of watching show choirs, show bands, marching bands, soloists, and concert bands, you just can't handle 4th grade mediocrity  
2118\. Every time you went to Walgreens in Florida, you were eating something. Usually a sandwich, but also cookies, pudding cups, apples, bananas, grapes, cheese slices, and other stuff  
2119\. You attend the longest, most boring informational meeting in Florida, the one where the chaperones talked for an hour about the schedule… and you didn't learn anything  
2120\. This may have been because you were standing there behind a group of guys texting people instead of listening  
2121\. You spend like 20 minutes on the bus cutting the fingers off a pair of black gloves with a pair of safety scissors  
2122\. There's a chaperone on the trip (Kylo!) who comes out of the bathroom somewhere without washing his hands, so from there on out, you just yell 'Kylo!' everytime someone doesn't wash their hands  
2123\. You get on the elevator with one of your friends, and the elevator stops at the fifth floor to let an Asian guy get on, and your friend gets off, and you're like 'We're on the ninth floor.' and she's like 'No, no this is our floor.' and you argue and finally you're just all 'Fine' and she gets off the elevator and the door shuts and the Asian guy looks at you and goes 'What just happened?' and you're like 'She got off on the wrong floor' and then the two of you laugh about it until you get off the elevator  
2124\. At which point you text your friend, and five minutes later she stumbles into your room laughing so hard she can't hardly breathe and just collapses on the floor and doesn't get up for at least 10 minutes  
2125\. Every time you get on the elevator with her after that, without fail, that same Asian guy gets on too  
2126\. When you get your wisdom teeth pulled out, and they put you on laughing gas before the general anesthesia, the doctors asks you which sports you play and you say 'Marching Band' and the doctor is like 'Uh-huh' and you realize he doesn't believe you and so you keep saying it until you go under  
2127\. When you wake up, the nurse is like 'When you were on laughing gas, you kept claiming marching band was a sport' and you just look at her and are like 'It is.'  
2128\. Your band final is going to be writing an essay on your personality type  
2129\. Your director spends half of class reading pages of drummer jokes she found while cleaning out a cabinet  
2130\. You manage to lose your clarinet on either the second or the third bus  
2131\. You only feel mildly bad about making the bus driver and one of the chaperones spend an hour looking for it  
2132\. The bus threatens to leave without people about 17 times, but they don't  
2133\. You really just wish Illinois would fall off the face of the Earth… or at least get less long and boring  
2134\. You realize that when you were in Florida, the person you kept in touch with the most (that wasn't in Florida with you) was the hippie  
2135\. You are already making plans for the next show choir season  
2136\. You feel special and important when you don't have to pay at any of the restaurants in the Universal Citywalk  
2137\. Let's go BACKWARDS in the drill! Because that's totally useful  
2138\. When an essay prompt on your English quiz is 'Defend or Counter Why War Is Acceptable' and you write 'War, I despise, because it means destruction of innocent lives. War means tears from thousands of mother's eyes when their sons go out to fight and lose their lives. I say war, huh, good God y'all, what is it good for? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!, that's what.'  
2139\. The quads can't handle triangle parts  
2140\. You just know there is going to be one part in your concert of your director screaming 'TROESTLER! TROESTLER! TROESTLER!' because he's slacking off on snare  
2141\. Dress guidelines for concert are: No shorts, and if that's all you own, we'll lend you a pair of slacks. Same for jeans. No tennis shoes. If that's all you own, wear your band shoes. No T-shirts with…stuff…on them. You know.  
2142\. Your friend checks her voicemail for the first time since she got back from Florida and she has a 4 minute message of two of your other friends screaming at each other before they realize that they dialed her  
2143\. Your director points out that you have a concert tomorrow night, and the whole band is like "Wait, that's tomorrow?"  
2144\. Your director surprises you during all block schedule days and during finals with Sean, the guy who writes your music  
2145\. You and the clarinet that sits next to you are still debating Ryan vs. Sean for hotness. You vote Ryan, she votes Sean  
2146\. Your director is always telling the low brass 'PLAY LIKE SUMMER PADLEY' (a trombonist, who besides being extremely good, was also the loudest person in the entire band for her entire high school career)  
2147\. Multiple people have told you on multiple occasions that your writing is hilarious… but you still don't see it  
2148\. When one of your friends pulls her shirt up and is like 'See this bruise?' in the middle of 1812 Overture, it's not weird, even though she sits in the front row.  
2149\. You actually want to challenge yourself by playing Section 20 of 1812 Overture  
2150\. You just abandoned a library book in the middle of a hallway because in the book, a girl was making a list of reasons why her ex's new partner was inferior to her, and one of the reasons was 'He's in band.'  
2151\. You get a workout carrying two chairs and your clarinet from the band room  
2152\. Your overachiever drum major carries four chairs and his baritone  
2153\. Your director stands up and is like 'I am the epitome of inappropriate dress!'  
2154\. You show up like 20 minutes late to your concert and miss nothing  
2155\. One guy wins 95% of the awards handed out  
2156\. Your director actually has to stop in the middle of the program because she lost the list of scholarship recipients and it takes like five minutes to find it  
2157\. You figure out you have like 20 versions of On Broadway  
2158\. Your band is too lazy to bring chairs and stands to the gym, so you spend an entire class period memorizing the song instead  
2159\. You manage to get your director to let you wear jeans and not black pants like the entire middle school  
2160\. She finds out the middle schoolers are wearing black pants and asks if the high school should switch and the entire band is like 'NO! We wore jeans last year' (Which is a lie, but whatever)  
2161\. You are disappointed when the first draft of your 2012 Marching Band is playable  
2162\. Your band is going to have six tubas next year  
2163\. Approximately 45 people have applied for your director's job and the job's only been posted for 3 days  
2164\. Your director asks the people not attending the concert tonight to leave the room, and two people leave and everyone just death glares at them  
2165\. There are 54 trumpets at the 5-12 band concert  
2166\. At the chorus concert, the middle school choral director is like 'If everyone could grab a chair and put it away…' and your band director runs out and grabs the mic and is like 'NO! LEAVE THEM UP FOR THE BAND NEXT WEEK!'  
2167\. You always hate your show the first time you look at it  
2168\. Then it turns out to be your favorite show (except I think I'll stick with A House Divided as mine)  
2169\. Your soloists are going to be in glass cases this year (We're doing Aida)  
2170\. You sit through an entire hour and a half of the 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade bands playing  
2171\. In the 10,000 degree Celsius gym  
2172\. You pass the time by discussing how the fifth graders played two different songs that sounded EXACTLY the same with your saxophone friend  
2173\. You win $50 in the TrigStar contest and your band teacher is lecturing stuff about Memorial Day and in the middle of a sentence, she fixates on you, breaks off, and is like "I didn't know you were such a math whiz!" and you're like "Oh…"  
2174\. You seriously consider stripping and putting on your band polo and jeans in front of all of the middle schoolers  
2175\. You settle for walking 3 feet inside the bathroom instead, which results in a bunch of old ladies seeing you in your bra  
2176\. Anyone ever been to the Chippewa Falls competition? Want to give me an opinion on it?  
2177\. A bunch of alumni come back for one weekend to do a talent show  
2178\. One of them comes to band and conducts The Liberty Bell (John Philips Sousa March)  
2179\. He sits over by the door not talking for awhile first, until one of the freshmen raises his hand, and is like 'Hey, who are you?'  
2180\. This completely interrupts your director's story of a former student and how she now lives in remote Venezuela and has a water buffalo herd  
2181\. The middle school director asks for people to hold their applause until all four movements of a song are finished and everyone starts clapping before he finishes talking  
2182\. Your saxophone friend is just like IDIOTS! and like 20 people in the middle school bands look at him  
2183\. Your mother is like "I hope you ate healthy in Florida" and you start thinking about the Poptarts, Carousel Cookies, Goldfish, Twinkies, ice cream, M&amp;Ms, Snickers, Milky Ways, Three Musketeers, Reeses' Pieces, Skittles, and brownies that you ate… all in the first 12 hours on the bus  
2184\. You eat just like that every day for the entire week and end up losing five pounds  
2185\. You sit there and predict which seniors are going to win which music awards and scholarships and get them all right  
2186\. You are really kind of pissed off when one of the members of your section gets drum major, because you know she's just so insufferable  
2187\. Every time you repeat the Recessional part of Pomp &amp; Circumstance, you and your clarinet friend have a contest to see who can make the least amount of mistakes trying to play it memorized  
2188\. You also have a pact to slap each other every time the other person plays B natural instead of B flat in this one section of 1812 Overture, even if it's in the middle of a concert  
2189\. You really just can't get past all the mistakes the middle school bands make  
2190\. You have to make a conscious effort not to play triplets in the fifth grade version of Star Wars  
2191\. You decide that your band should do either a Harry Potter or Star Wars themed show  
2192\. The high school band gets 3 times as much applause for playing On Broadway than the middle school bands did for their entire concert  
2193\. The tubas have Culver's take out numbers duct taped to the inside of their cabinet  
2194\. You spend at least 15 minutes a day trying to convince one of the saxophones to join marching band  
2195\. You're still reading this list and realize that so many of these apply to you  
2196\. You would definitely go for another 24 bus ride, no matter how much you complained  
2197\. You realize that your friends in band are willing to do so much more stuff for you than your other friends  
2198\. Drumline position is a popularity contest  
2199\. You're still here, even though these reasons are turning from being about band to the things that happen in my life  
2200\. You liked my page on Facebook for the Cavalier's Upside Down Quad Players


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